Poverina's Blog

Directory Review: Submit Health Links

2011-07-30T22:22:00.002+08:00

Directories have the security box to prevent automated submission. This directory's one is not easy to use because they didn't tell you the letters generated are case-sensitive. Had to try a few times before I made it. Since I can't give reciprocal, I paid USD 10 for "lifetime" regular links. However they rejected my application and some more my USD 10 cannot be refunded because they needed to be paid ten bucks for the time taken to review. "Jake" don't tell you why your site is rejected, you have to find out for yourself by reading their guideline. My verdict is: Submit Health Links is a money sucker directory. ( Draws an X, one down ) Nah, this is the link:

http://www.submithealthlinks.com/submit.php

Submit health links cheated ten bucks out of me.

Snacked in 1Borneo: Suxxxx

2011-07-10T12:22:00.003+08:00

Just wanted something light coz nothing on the heavy side menus can tempt me. Sushi King yeah I know it's meh. Ordered soft shell crab handroll sushi. They gave some nice crispy crispy crab LEGS LOL at least the cucumbers are crunchy. Also ordered clam soup, but da soup came only when I am chewing the last segment of the skinny crab leg. I was thinking it is unlikely to go wrong to make anything out of a dashi stock, but don't forget cooks in Kota Kinabalu are incredibly lazy. Two of the skinny clams are darn sandy. A lovely dashi stock with sand Ha! Then saw a fabulous photo of nyonya pie tee at THE CHICKEN RICE SHOP. So trylah. Let curiosity kill this kurap cat lah. Sure enough the eight ringgit plate with four tiny hats is filled with the ubiquitous KK lazy formula=jicama and carrots only. Real nyonyas will vomit blood for sure,LOL. The two days old leftovers in my fridge taste better than these. Thank you for joining poverina's mini snack tour in the grandest life style mall in Sabah.

Ais Kacang Hell

2011-06-28T04:16:00.002+08:00

Ais kacang Kota Kinabalu is hellstones or rather hailstones. Concept of shaving ice into fluffy flakes is virtually alien. The worst ais kacang is the one in Foh Sang. Neh the shop in the middle row. Biggest hailstones. ever. somemore seven ringgit. They say the one in bukit padang is the best. Never have the time to explore that. Must make that a future project. For now found the ais kacang at sugarbun at least fit for human consumption. Dunno why food sellers here so lazy one.

Oasis

2011-06-26T20:01:00.001+08:00

Kedai Kopi Yun Heng Baru Bornion Centre serves the most decent kuey teow and tofu fit for human consumption, also easy on orang miskin's wallet.

First Post With Iphone

2011-04-27T00:42:00.003+08:00

Stuck in Kuala Lumpur- land of happy crows. So have to borrow mom's iphone. Finally learnt how to switch on this electricity-hungry gadget, safari is the browser. Asked the Digi folks in Bangsar mall where to find the "space" button on the keyboard, took two guys ten minutes to figure out. The hardest part was to summon the appearance of the keyboard. Typing this post cost three per cent battery power. Now poverina is more high tech than people who think iphone could be edible.

Eyelashes

2010-12-19T22:27:00.004+08:00

Me eyes were getting dry as sandpaper. Family doc said it was infection so prescribed eye drops. After a week dripping the eye drops faithfully, the eyes became drier to the point of painful just blinking.

So no choice, had to smash piggy bank money to see Dr Kong & Co.

First obstacle is the electronically locked front door. Got to wave very friendly to the nurse to get the door opened then squeeze inside with a bunch of other anxious patients. Ushered to take photos of eyes by two don't know what machines. Incidentally an old chap next to me was screening for glaucoma. Darken my mood instantly.

Of course Dr Kong is forever not freelah, so have to see his partner. My honourable mother had to wait one year to see him. First thing is reading ABC and 123 eye test. That one we all know from Lau Fu Tze cartoon already.

Next, the eye doc zoomed into the photos taken earlier. He got the answer pretty quickly.

"See all these white stuff sticking on your eyelashes. These are dirt. They cause the infection. You need to clean your eyelashes first."

Oh, that was the first time I see my own eyelashes.

I am so darn ugly. One of my extreme ugliness is my ridiculously short eyelashes. So short until I myself hardly notice they exist. Since I can't even notice them, of course I wouldn't think of washing them, so they pile up dirt since my existence until full blown infection-lah.

Every time I need to see a doctor. I always make an effort to make myself extra clean so that the poor doctor won't feel yucky when he/she is obligated to touch me.

Now my eyelashes zoomed like 200 times until each dust is as big as a rock. The eye doc has a full, detailed and superbly clear picture of HOW DIRTY MY EYELASHES ARE. Man, this is as bad as a pap smear.

The bill was RM300++. I was broke as a church mouse so cannot visit this poor bloggie till now.

The Woad Is Not Enough

2010-05-30T21:32:00.003+08:00

When you drive a dilapidated Kancil like mine.

Two Boobs Crossed Path

2010-02-19T19:49:00.002+08:00

She : " Moobs."

He : " Kota Kinabalu International Airport Runway."

How Jerks Read Traffic Lights

2009-12-19T18:56:00.004+08:00

The uptown dandy flanked by a hot chick honking furiously from behind after waiting for 7 seconds.

Google for "road bullies" - top 20 results mostly from Malaysia. Still better than DUI in US and car jacking in South Africa, eh?

o_O

Two Disastrous Hook-ups in One Year

2009-12-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

We are not destined to be together...that's why I am still a poverina.

Da Missus' Golf Ball

2009-12-05T18:00:00.003+08:00

How to Create My Own Cartoon Characters

2009-10-22T12:04:00.004+08:00

Read something that touches a chord in my heart. This entry does.

Because it reminds me of my pathetic days working with nincompoops in the press. It brings up the evil in me, unleashing destructive forces of imagination...

Poverina's cartoon thief ~~~~ muaks.

Poverina's Cartoon Tooth

2009-10-05T00:40:00.004+08:00

cartoon tooth courtesy of bahasa-malaysia-simple-fun.com LOL

Distinctively Sabahan

2009-09-28T12:11:00.011+08:00

Made it to the Donggongon Tamu this week. Kept telling myself: " Just three items, not more than that, don't want to stuff the landlady's fridge to the point of explosion-again."

Ended up with 10 items.

It's petai season, so have to grab one bunch. It's also tarap season. They cut your throats at Lido - RM7 for one tarap. In Donggongon, it's just RM1.50 for the same size. How to resist?

It's typical of me ...always buying more than I should...always pile the barangs into the car, dash to work treadmill, can never find the time to take them out until...

two days later.

-------- four monkeys in my car ------------------------

" It smells," my kiddie passengers wrinkled their noses.

" Yeah, it's tarap"

That's the end of issue for them. They were not complaining. Just asking monkey questions for the sake of asking.

I, the big monkey though, wish I could put an orang putih in my car at this moment.

I mean, the type of orang putih totally alien from Mars, in my car, windows all up.

Bwah HA HA HA HA

---------------- disconnects evil tarap fantasies ------------------

Ahem!!!

It dawns upon me, a Sabahan has a penchant for:

1. Taraps. What pervasive ordour? We can live with it.

2. Tuhaus. It's a kind of wild ginger. A cross section reveals however, the likeness of a lemon grass minus the blade. I love it pickled, with fried fish. The ordour is as impressive as our dear Tarap.

3. Bambangan. Da bomb. It's the Mammy Apple or abricot in Martinique. It's a kind of mango almost the size of a bowling ball.

People who love durians may not like taraps, tuhaus and bambangan - especially bambangan. Once, I craved it raw. I bought the biggest bambangan I can find and brought it home.

The whole household turned against me instantly.

"What the heck is that?"

"It smells like hell!!! "

" Take it out!"

" I can't stand it!"

(Teary eyes)

You love my friend from Kampung Bambangan, but you don't love the fruit itself.

---------------My heart still bleeds at the tragedy --------------

What stinky food? These babies are legitimate VEGAN fresh from the jungle.

My Streamyx@ Cartoon Jokes

2009-09-23T21:31:00.001+08:00

Jerks Read Traffic Lights This Way

2009-09-22T23:26:00.006+08:00

Don't Want to be a Superwoman

2009-09-21T19:48:00.008+08:00

You expect me to know the answers to all the questions you ask. When I dig out books and search the world wide web and give 'em to you, you think it's as easy as a snap of the fingers for me.

When I cannot find the answers, you think I'm a failure. Coming to think of it, you don't even do the kind of research I have done.

( Likas Bay coastal highway is gorgeous. Those drivers zip zapping and forever ready to kiss me from the butt are annoying )

You gave me work of RM500 pay me only RM100, even then you always delay payment. For the same job you pay RM500 to another person who gives you a value of RM50. Yet, you expect me to be rich.

Whatever I do that is good, you never thank me. Yet when another guy performs the same deed, you set him on the pedestal.

Is there a paradise where people don't stigmatize me - because they expect me to be strong after year and years of emotional isolation, after me reaching out to them again and gain in vain?

( I see a glimpse of it on the left )

I am ready to be drowned here. Feed my brain to the monitor lizards so I don't have to solve your intellectual and emotional problems. This is where I can be stupid and carefree.

I want to have a reflection in the mirror. I would rather worry about not able to capture the spirals of winged creatures above the wetland with my dilapidated camera. I want to be mortal.

Funny Chickens!

2009-09-20T22:56:00.012+08:00

Funny, chickens have more right on the road than homo sapiens.

Run down a chicken in a kampung, you must pay $. Otherwise, the whole kampung comes after you.

Homo sapiens cannot poo on the road. Chickens can. Homo sapiens even collect chicken poos and sell for $. As for their own poos, homo sapiens pay a lot of $ to get rid of 'em.

Chickens converse with their owners, albeit it's only "pok pok pok". They "pok" at the right places, and even tilt their heads to match the mood - owners have sworn to me.

An owner who decides his rooster is never destined for the pot reported his feathery pet became so affectionate that it "pok pok pok" at him at bedtime - meaning it wants him to pick it up to its roosting place.

o___________________O Huh!

Coming to think of it, my old man always talks to his chickens in the mornings. They ended up most deliciously in the pot, I swear it's better than Hyatt Hotel Kota Kinabalu.

Going back to chicken poo. It has another function apart from being errr natural fertilizer. It dramatically magnifies explosive effects of a small fire-cracker.

Plant one stick of small fire-cracker on a pile of chicken poo, preferably fresh. Next, agility of stunt man required to ignite the fire cracker and immediately place an empty milk can over it.

PAK!!!!

funny chicken pictures courtesy of bm-simple-fun.com lol

Oh...funny...chickens are said to wake up folks in the mornings. They should really stop producing those stupid pictures of roosters crowing as the sun rises.

Anyone who keeps a rooster knows the darn thing always crows before the sun rises and siesta time. For goodness sake just tell the kids the rooster is not an alarm clock. Like all the male farm animals, it's a stud!

Die Want Face Wedding

2009-09-16T23:19:00.008+08:00

Symptoms:

1. The bride's father borrowed money from your family to pay his wife's hospitalization bill not long before the big day.

2. Looking at the couple's wedding attire even if rented, cost a a few hundred bucks.

3. Your family attended the wedding reception because they're worried that there will not be enough guests to give ang-pows to finance the dinner.

4. The dinner caterer is also the MC.

5. Lights off to commence dinner. Waiters filed in following the cue music - ear splitting "Star Wars". When the "spaceship" landed on the table, the banquet hall is lighted, and I realized it's cold appetizers around a pineapple.

6. The pineapple is as hollow as a Halloween pumpkin, holes punched in the right spots to form the tropical "Jack o lantern" face illuminated by a candle.

7. They serve abalone as part of the appetizers- fake abalone. They also served shark fin soup, few strands of shark fins buried under thick corn starch.

8. The new couple cut the cake and popped champagne. The guests are served a cake morsel 1 inch x 1 inch and boozed on Carlsberg.

9. Entertainment was those Halloween pineapples flying out like Star War spaceships in the dark, followed by full blast karaoke music.

10.Everyone left right after dessert.

11.The invitation wrote" so-and-so and family". They ended with 40 extra guests, mostly children. Good Luck with settling the bill, folks.

___________________________________________

Poverina couldn't help comparing to a wedding of her friends who were as broke as her. They invited guests for a simple ceremony and lunch at the Tanjung Aru Beach. Read carefully: just the beach, not the hotel. Most of the guests were sporting to dress up fit enough to attend an English High Tea - many ladies in tasteful floral dresses and wide brimmed hats. 15 years later, this couple are now parents of two hyperactive monkeys but the guests can never forget that romantic wedding at the beach.

Ufficio del Fisco nel Malaysia

2009-08-19T10:51:00.013+08:00

Veramente sta ufficio del fisco nel Kota Kinabalu e' il solo edificio sensato qua.

Ecco, la mia "casa da sogno." Vorrei la finestra alta, grande, che quasi raggiunge il soffitto. Mi piaci tantissimo luce del sole venendo dentro a fiotti. Una casa pieno di luce del sole. Odio le case con le finistre piccole come prigioni. Come quasi tutte case nel Kota Kinabalu , sono come prigioni caldi. Avevo fatto finta di descendere dalla scala a sedermi sotto uno di divano blu...

Veramente, non mi interessa riposare il mio sedere. In effetti, vedevo alcuni buchi sulla piattaforma ricoperto con un toppeto. Quindi, ero morendo dalla voglia di fare un video di tappeto cencioso nel edificio lussuoso del ufficio del fisco . Quando ero spingedo felicemente il pulsante di film, una guardia giurata mi salutava.

"Scusami, pero non potevi fare fotografia qua."

Cavolo! Rovinava il mio divertimento.

Allora, sono parsimoniosamente obbligata a pubblicando una foto dei miei piedi. Sono sicura sai dove cercare il toppeto blu sotto i miei piedi belle, communque. Strizzata d'occhio**

Kota KInabalu is Evil to Tourists Part 2

2009-08-02T23:18:00.012+08:00

I was overwhelmed by the obnoxiousness in me that I have to postpone this venom spewing to a second part:

3. Souvenirs from Sabah? Read my post on the local Filipino market. Sorry for not linking because blogger makes a big fuss about internal linking. When I was in Pasay, I wanted to buy everything. When I was in Amsterdam, I wanted to buy everything. When I am back in KK, I want to buy something for my friends but I hate everything until I lost desire to buy anything. Sometimes, I see some novel things for sale in Gaya street. Other than that, all the stalls look more or less the same: you copy me, I copy you. The hottest merchandise in town? - all the evil cheapo made in China stuffs.

4. Eateries display certain consistent traits. Most Malay and Indian food are served cold. Yes, cold even if it is a dish of coconut milk and ghee. The same Malay eatery can serve good food at one time and turn entirely awful the next time you return. Chinese food are served hot drenched in starch. They coat the veges with starch, they coat the gravy with starch, they thicken the soap into jelly with starch. Once when my family ordered a RM200 lobster, they starched it from top to bottom. Oh, they all share a universal trait: oily, oily, oily. I found out to my horror from the taste of my honourable father, KK folks absolutely love oily food. As to eateries catering for "authentic" ethnic dishes, ha! So far the more authentic one is a filipino shop in Api-api center. It's not that they didn't try, but the suakus here absolutely cannot accept authentic dishes. Once upon a time, someone was brave enough to open sell turkish food...It's safer to eat at McDonalds ( lackluster because McDonalds is not allowed to showcase its gorgeous bacon. ) or fast-food chains. Of course, there are some decent cooks around. For instance, that famous "Chu-Chap" noodles in Tanjung Aru very, very long queues. Ang's hotel dishes are better than average - enough to let the boss to tell his customers what to buy. They sell one rice + dishes in a set. If you don't want rice, they won't want your business. Customers have to beg like beggars for nice food.

5. No interest in creativity. Of course we should exclude chic outlets, they must be beautiful to attract rich customers. Other than that, most buildings exist as concrete blocks for human activities. Nothing much cultural. I wonder why. Our 'cultural' things are not necessarily expensive. Nobody bother to decorate their shops/office/stalls with sompoton, local drums, blowpipes, local straw hats or traditional toys. The Borough Market in London, the hawkers use chalks and blackboard to make the most creative wordings of signboards I have ever seen. Poor Filipino people here improvise on growing different humble plants using only empty rusty cans to brighten up their shacks. Everything's mass-production second rated plastic chairs, plates, chop sticks, posters, calendars, clocks and the most detested on my list - stiff plastic flowers. The aversion for beautiful life in the KK community is leading my beloved hometown to the destiny of Pampanga, a province in the Philipines stripped till it is barren.

After venting my spite for the ugliness of this city. I do appreciate the fact the main dangerous creatures we have to guard against while walking at night is rottweilers unleashed to roam around, and not muggers/perverts. KK is safer than Johannesburg. I do appreciate at least I can pay to poo, otherwise I have to watch out for human dungs for every step I take. In KK they spit for the sake of spitting, so I step on the slimiest phlegm ...well, it's still better than muck. KK is better than India. The bus service sucks. In Samoa, passengers usually crammed into already jammed buses and sit on the laps of other passengers. Phew, at least my lap is safe here.

Still, I am embarrassed by the ugliness of KK to recommend it to visitors.

Kota Kinabalu is Evil to Tourists - Part 1

2009-07-27T23:56:00.012+08:00

An undetermined number of greedy pigs redefine the necessary evil tourism. Poverina doesn't know how many are there on top of the food chain in Kota Kinabalu ( KK ), but she certainly sees their ubiquitous slobbering snouts oinking for money.

1. White, green and yellow parking boxes are mushrooming. Masters of these boxes gladly forego sabbath on Sundays along the beaches to cash in on peak tourist traffic. Unlike Singapore, the proportion of human to space is large even in crowded KK so inevitably there are "un-boxed" spots along the way. Our piggy clandestine masters barricade every nook and cranny which has the potential of free parking spot. They insist you pay but - park at your own risk.

2. Driving in KK is unpleasant. Going on foot in KK is unpleasant and DANGEROUS. The unpleasantness has to do with road system designed to bleed money. Therefore the roads here have no interest to serve their basic purpose. The roads are designed to lead automobiles to waste petrol, to get parking or to ruin their engines with humps and potholes. Since pedestrians do not pay parking fee, there are hardly bicycle lanes or boulevards. Overhead bridges are grudgingly erected at the most absurdly inconvenient locations. Buses carry huge banners shouting in Malay : " Use public transportation to reduce road accidents " running on Samoan standard schedule, oh of course they drop passengers in a central station which the city council has moved to the furthest end. Most business people are not interested to install awnings. Some of the "odd" buildings that have awnings barricade the shade to deter pedestrians. If you forgot your hat/umbrella, be prepare to increase your risk of skin cancer.

By the way, motorists here tend to slow down at green light and accelerate at red light. So trying to obey the pedestrian traffic lights is suicidal. Even if you were lucky to meet sane motorists, the traffic lights always turn green for you and also turn green for traffic coming your way simultaneously. Naturally, they behave the same way in the red phase.

Need-an-article.com Review

2009-07-22T12:47:00.009+08:00

Poverina spent a whole month trying out a website that claims to provide automated content writing service called need-an-article.com

The idea is to have a group of ghost writers helping webmasters to write content for an affordable fee, so affordable that a poverina can scrap enough pennies from her meager allowance to get a few articles written monthly but there are few problems she encountered...

1. She was not allowed to choose her writer. Out of ten articles she paid for, only two are usable. Even that the 'usable' articles are mediocre.

2. Writers do not adhere to her specific instructions. When she brought up the issue with the writers, they simply deny the fact and said their boss has checked the assignment and approved of the way they handled it.

3. Glaring grammar and spelling mistakes. That is okay, we are humans and we tend to make mistakes but...repeated occurrences? When poverina told the writer nicely there is such a mistake, the writer promise to fix it. When the article came back, the same mistakes are still there!

4. Writers are too lazy to do even the basic research. Of course they told poverina, they chose the writer who is knowledgeable in poverina's topic to handle her assignment.

5. Clients are not allowed to tell writers that their work suck.

Here are samples of a topic "Constipation Relief".

"Constipation is a conditional that happens to many people at some stage of their lives, when for various reasons, the frequency with which one goes to the toilet is reduced and maybe even stops altogether. Normally it should not be a reason for undue concern as the digestive system is quite sensitive and small changes in eating habits or in one’s environment can trigger the condition. Constipation relief comes in various forms that we shall look at in closer detail. But firstly let us briefly examine some possible causes.

Constipation can often be caused by stress and pressure in one’s private life or working environment, or in changes to one’s diet.

However, some people can be more prone to suffer from constipation than others. Pregnant women for example often suffer constipation during the term of their pregnancy. There are many changes that occur to the body during pregnancy including changes to the levels and the balance of hormones, and this in itself can cause constipation. Also, eating habits and diets are often changed to help assure the baby grows healthily, and this too can result in constipation. Finally of course there is the extra pressure and weight of the baby that in the latter stages of pregnancy exerts pressure on the bowel.

Travelling can also cause constipation because of the changes it can bring about in stress levels, and diet. Travel can induce dehydration, long periods of inactivity, and exposure to new and different surroundings. All of these things can be contributory factors.

Sometimes one’s lifestyle can be the culprit. In today’s world, life is often lived at a hundred miles an hour, full of pressure and stress, bad diet, bad eating habits, and lack of exercise, any or all of which can lead to constipation.

It is however very important before seeking constipation relief to establish what the cause is, otherwise any possible relief or remedy may be unsuccessful because the cause is still present.

Take for example the case where constipation is caused as a result of stress experienced at work. It could be that one has a demanding boss who constantly exerts pressure and who is never, ever satisfied. It may not be possible to change jobs, especially in this time of economic downturn, and so you have to suffer the discomfort and the inconvenience of the constipation that it causes. Constipation relief is the only answer in this sort of circumstance. The constipation will unfortunately return again, but the constipation relief will at least help you to go to the toilet from time to time.

Most constipation relief treatments are based on the natural plant extracts Senna, and Aloe, whilst other natural remedies include figs and prunes. These are mostly oral remedies and work within hours of being ingested.

Lack of Fiber is another common cause of constipation, but one that is easily remedied once the cause has been indentified. In this instance, installing a high fiber diet, eating your five portions of fruit and vegetables each day and drinking plenty of liquids (water is best, approximately six to eight fluid ounces) should get a return to normal regular bowel movements.

In cases of prolonged or chronic constipation that refuses to respond to treatments and changes of diet and or lifestyle, a visit to the doctor is recommended as the constipation could be a sign of some other illness or condition."

Poverina's comment: Poverina did all the research for him and he ended up copying like 90 per cent of her write up and still make grammar mistakes. Then she asked a second writer to do the same topic:

"Constipation Relief can mean different remedies, depending on the cause of the constipation. It also has different meanings for different people because some think it means hard stools that are hard to pass or involve straining, which can cause other problems, such as hemorrhoids. Others think it means infrequent stools, but whatever meaning you relate it to, it is important to know the cause before you can fix the problem.

First of all, the number of bowel movements decreases with age. The other thing is that constipation can alternate with diarrhea and it could be irritable bowel syndrome. A more serious condition is fecal impaction which can cause blockage. It is important to know the cause of the constipation, since it can be a symptom of something more serious. Also, the best constipation relief for you may not work for somebody else.

If you have acute constipation, it could be a sign of a serious condition. Tumors of the colon can cause it and you may experience rectal bleeding, abdominal pain, cramps, nausea and vomiting or weight loss.

Another cause of constipation could be medications for pain relief such as codeine, oxycodone and antidepressants, anticonvulsants or iron supplements can also cause constipation. The remedy may not be as easy as changing medication and in many cases, you can't stop taking the medication, depending on the original purpose for taking it. You will have to seek a doctor's advice.

Sometimes, diet is to blame and a diet low in fiber can cause you to become constipated. Obviously, these are all different situations where you could have constipation and the constipation relief is very different for each one.

Having a tumor in your colon is a lot different than not eating enough fiber the day before. One involves surgery and the other requires a diet alteration by adding fruits, vegetables and grains. Obviously, in the case of medication, you will need to seek a doctor's advice. Too many people think the answer is a quick fix laxative to get you "regular" again. This can actually cause damage to the nerves and muscles in the colon and actually cause constipation.

Constipation is different in humans, dogs, cats and other animals. There may be some similarities if it is diet related. Fiber is a way to naturally push food through the digestive system and keep stools broken up and easier to dispose. Drinking plenty of fluids helps retain moisture in your system and your stools, whether human or animal.

The difference between humans and animals is that humans may voluntarily postpone the urge to have a bowel movement when they first get the urge, which can cause the stool to become hardened and makes it harder to push when they decide to go. For some, constipation relief means going at the first sign you have an urge.

In the case of animals, they go whenever the urge strikes and it is not a voluntary action. Sometimes, it may mean a diet change is needed, or it could signify something more serious.

As you can see, there are a wide range of causes, some very serious and some very temporary and minor. Knowing the cause of your constipation symptoms is important in knowing whether it is the symptom of a serious illness, such as cancer or a tumor, or something minor like dehydration from not drinking enough fluids. Finding the best constipation relief is dependent on getting to the real reason for the constipation."

Poverina's comment: Poverina has asked him to interview acquaintances to get story/experience to illustrate the importance of knowing the cause before seeking a relief. He's too lazy to comply, instead he's been nagging similar sentences like three times that it is important to know the cause of constipation to get an effective relief. This one, poverina didn't do research for him. Obviously, he didn't read about both cats and humans can be constipated due to autonomous nervous system disorder. Whatever he crapped about the animals are kindergarten stuff. Man! Paying for these kind of results made poverina constipated for a week. LOL

Verdict: Unique content cannot be bought for peanuts. Poverina doesn't blame the writers for not willing to put effort into creating content for her. After all, they only get like $5 - $12 per article, while poverina can earn many times more from their articles. This kind of service is not suitable for niches that has to provide solid information, it's more suitable for get-rich-quick-scheme, make-money-online, how-to-impress-the-opposite-sex kind of no-brainer niches.

Ah...next time when poverina has money to make a bimbotic website, she will return to need-an-article.com!!!

Dear SAA7881M

2009-07-08T10:31:00.008+08:00

Dear jerk who owns the Hilux with the above licence number:

You were almost kissing my dilapidated Kancil's left flank, leaving me less than two inches to work my way out of my parking lot with a long line of traffic waiting behind to take over my place.

I gestured the vilest curses on your car. I pray they come true by the time this is published.

Of course, you are better than your comrades behind the wheels who take up two parking lots with one car. Presumably you trust that I would never scratch your precious metallic baby, therefore you kindly allow me to occupy the adjacent space. Oh you are definitely not as repulsive as people who park in lots reserved for disable folks.

Coming to think of it, it is rather dumb of me to spend time fuming over your inconsiderateness. Why, you are actually the superior species of the society! In this dog eat dog society, you have to grab everything. If possible, don't leave behind crumbs. That's how you accumulate so much money to buy that sparkling Hilux. I will never see that kind of money until the day I die. I wasted too much time parking my Kancil properly so as not to trouble the other drivers next to me. I should just shove into the first most convenient spot to stop my car so that I dash out A.S.A.P to attend to my money-making ventures. Let the other drivers figure out how to get out of the mess I have created. They can't sue me and surely they will never shoot me, so why bother. It's more important to take care of ME first.

It is the attitude that counts. Anyone who is slacking in their " grab anything I want at all cost" mentality gets less. Therefore it is paramount to put myself ahead of other people every second of my breathing life. Life is short so I must make the fullest out of it. Anything that comes in the way must be annihilated. Let those mongrels who drive cheap cars howl about morality. They can chew roti canais while I dine on foie grais. They can call me jerk but I am a rich jerk. Heck, that is my grandfather's road which I kindly allow them to share with me. Why do you think the traffic police close not only one eye but two eyes when other would have been fined?

o __________________ o

Thanks Jerk for the inspiration...but I still curse you to grow the biggest hemorrhoids in the deepest part of your rectum accompanied by the most chronic constipation 24/7. I am learning from you. I can't stand anyone blocking ME time even 5 seconds.

Long live meism.

Samsung Mp3 Recorder Review

2009-06-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

Dear Samsung,

I am penning you this letter not out of grudge. Rather, I need to remind myself as a lowly being from the bottom of the food chain, I can never afford your products.

Your Mp3 recorder sold at around RM200, seems to be reasonable. With a little catch.

In order to transfer sound files to and fro the computer and MP3 recorder, there is the software Emodio attached. Emodio works, only with licenced version of Microsoft Windows. Which means, low-lives who use pirated Windows can never install emodio therefore, end up with an almost useless MP3 recorder.

Unless, these low-lives buy an MP3 recorder with the sole purpose of recording their own voices for the sake of narcissistic pleasure of listening to their own sweet voices.

Assuming a person could be so narcissistic to the point of wanting to hear only his own voice, surely he would prefer to make his voice coming out crystal clear from Winamp...he would still have to cough up another RM500 to buy the Windowns licence.

Ah...Samsung is a henchman of Microsoft. Support Samsung, you are stuffing more $ into Bill Gate's obese wallet.

Yours who almost puke in disgust,

Poverina.

Dear Greg Pritchard,

2009-05-31T17:13:00.015+08:00

1. I thought only perverts enjoy watching a castrato sing. How can people tolerate the excruciating pain of cutting one's manhood prior to the era of anesthetics - in the name of music? That, followed by a lifelong indignity of being an incomplete man. I can still recall the scene of wrinkled eunuchs carrying their preserved ahem balls as they were driven out the Forbidden City in "The Last Emperor".

( Uneasy gulp )

Then I discover Vitas.

A prince must have galloped out of fairy tale books on his white horse. However when he sang "Ave Maria". Mamma, I heard the eerie similarity to Alessandro Moreschi no...it's better than Moreschi. It's Farinelli in his prime!

I ain't a dumb blonde who would doubt your manhood. I don't need thick glasses to see that your goatee is genuine. By now we all know you can sing like Freddy Mercury and a castrato can't.

( Smacks forehead in disbelief )

However, I almost thought Vitas was a castrato - he is not hairy, he is not musculine, the feminine facial features and the ethereal high pitch of the Greek mythical Siren.

Until the camera zoomed to his Adam's apple.

0 _ 0 >>>>>>>> So relieved he is "intact".

I ain't a Catholic and I don't fancy stepping into Catholic Churches after reading about "The Bad Popes" and the Inquisition. Well... I might stand a wee bit outside to hear this seraph.

( Does that make me a pervert now? )

Vitas sang for the Olympics in China. His songs in Russian are given Chinese sub-titles, receive rave reviews from the Chinese press. Ah...

$_$

Countertenor + clean cut image + Chinese subtitles = China Market$

2. Well, you might be reluctant to sacrifice that goatee of yours.

There's a countertenor who sells millions of CDs by singing he's a slave of his dirty baby and he'll let her whip him if he misbehaves.

X_X ( Wonder how does his mother take that ? )

I haven't seen him shaved for years.

He doesn't show off his high range that often.

Doesn't matter, he plays piano and he is a great dancer.

Errr I guess THAT infamous wardrobe malfunction turned on girls to buy his CDs.

$ _ $

Countertenor + Unshaven image + Wardrobe malfunction = American Market$

3. Classical countertenors. The only one I like is that Japanese short short guy who plucked his eyebrows.

( Shudders - males plucking their eyebrows with tweezers are freakier than males singing female voices )

A poverina cannot imagine how you will generate that kind of cash to get an education to sing opera. Besides, a poverina doesn't have the chance to fathom the $ in this tight high class niche.

4. Rock Opera ? Freddy Mercury's cool but he reminds everyone of AIDS and it doesn't help to sing like Freddy and looking like Adam Lambert.

Hope to hear more of you,

Muaks~~

An Unforgettable Incident for Nicole

2009-04-23T17:00:00.007+08:00

Nicole,

I was growing white hair after reading your essay. Your topic was " An Unforgettable Incident" and you wrote...

*Let me draw a deep breath first*

You wrote about me as a clown in class. Then you dreamed about me. You must have watched a lot of cloud queen cartoons because you saw me with the cloud queen. Some evil character cursed me and turned me into Pegasus, giving you rides in the sky.

*Neigh*

I do appreciate you trying to make an exciting story out of me though I am sure your teacher will mark your essay as " OUT OF TOPIC".

Then the unthinkable happened. Paveet put a dried gecko carcass on your shoulder.

"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"

Your shriek scared everyone in the class, including me. That effectively lifted the curse and transformed Pegasus into myself again.

True, the gecko mummy reduced you to tears. But poor Maljeev who sat next to you, was so shaken by your scream that he couldn't do simple multiplications and divisions.

Personally I think the gecko was a beautiful preserved artwork though I can also understand your phobia. Without a doubt this is the most unforgettable incident for you and I. I pray that you won't dream of dead geckos tonight.

*Muaks*

Hawaiian in the Filipino Market

2009-04-17T08:10:00.012+08:00

Next to the central market in the heart of Kota Kinabalu city is the so-called Filipino market.

I said : "so-called" because I was in the filipino market of Pasay city where I bought straw hat for RM1 and rattan basket for RM20 - hand made and of excellent quality. I should mention a pair of hand made leather sandals in Pampanga cost about RM40. The variety of choices and the filipino charming creativity enthrall even me -a nerd averse to shopping.

The so-called Filipino market here, well, started out as a Filipino market. They don't have the things I mentioned above but at least they used to sell barongs and the pineapple fibre blouses which I love very much. These Filipino blouses have a timeless feminine appeal to me.

Then the market was renovated and the proportion of Moslem vendors increase, and gradually metamorphosized into...

"A market of China glasses", according to Alice.

Coming to think of it, ALL the stalls sell mainly crystal beads threaded into bracelets, necklaces, rings and trinkets reminisce of what they have in Chinese amulet stalls. The vendors tell us that the cheap crystal beads come from China and better ones, from Austria.

I can never understand this crystal beads fad craze. *Yawn*

Alice gazed at a string of seashells, the type many Filipino homes hang in cascades as door partitions. She asked for the price and the reply was RM15. She turned to me and said:

"They have this in Hawaii and they give away a string for FREE."

I grumbled to myself: This woman is so spoiled by garage sale back at home. Will she ever buy anything here? Why don't we just pick up a few of these ugly sompoton key chains and get the heck out here?

She bought a leather hat. The kind that flamenco musicians wear she said but to me, they are cowboy hats. RM20. She needed one to protect her skin cancer.

" This is the most expensive hat. Usually I pay only a dollar."

She wouldn't nag if we were in Pasay.

Unusual Home Remedy for Cough

2009-03-08T23:26:00.002+08:00

This is according to Philip.

A friend of his has been coughing for months. He visits doctors and specialists, taking medications - nothing works.

Philip notices one detail: His friend's cough is caused by itchiness in the throat every night.

Philip has an idea.

He gives his friend one pill. The next day, his friend reports the cough is gone like 50%.

So Philip gives his friend a second pill which, gets rid of the cough.

Can you guess what he prescribed?

DE-WORM PILLS.

Philip's theory was : since his friend also feels itchiness at the anus, the worms must have traveled up to the throat and cause itchiness there as well.

He gave the same pills to another lady friend with the same problem and she coughed worms...

Doctors will laugh at this.

Well, if your butt and throat itch at the same time and you eat out most of the time...where cooks don't seem to wash their hands properly after using the toilet...well two de-worm pills only cost around RM14.

How to Watch Movie "Free" Online - Streaming

2009-03-07T17:46:00.004+08:00

Incredibly loads of trashy websites on this topic, infected with bugs that kept my norton antivirus on constant alert.

I try to brainstorm with flesh and blood for an effective keyword. Then I read about this 7-year old girly fan who asked Pattinson to bite her.

*Eyes heavanwards - "Mamma! Girls these days..."

I typed: "how to watch twilight online", found info on ehow.com that leads me to tvshack.net

What ehow does not have time to mention, let me add salt add vinegar here ha ha:

Why I prefer streaming to downloading a movie. Last week, my little student told me, " Dad's downloaded bugs from online movies and his computer crashed." Buffering is a pain in the asparagus but I'd rather play safe.

There are 4 alternate links on tvshack.net, each are of different quality and nature of service.

1. zshare.net- blurry brown colour picture quality like muddy water. I skip this.

2. youku.com-better than zshare with chinese subtitles which distract my concentration on the dialogues. Forever buffering.

3. megavideo.com-orignal picture quality. I absolutely have no patience for this buffering business so I went to sleep and was hoping to replay the whole thing in the morning only to find out they don't allow an immediate replay, have to wait another 52 minutes or, I can pay them.

$_$

4. tudou.com-quality=youku minus the annoying subtitles. The buffering is tolerable.
They divide the movie into part 1 and part 2. They chopped the movie at where the twilight couple lay on the beautiful grass looking into each other's eyes. The mushiest moment when both look the hottest. Nice cut.

That's my first free movie online, yay.

The Most Famous Italian Saying, I Bet

2009-03-05T22:58:00.003+08:00

"Gallina vecchia fa buon brodo"

An old hen makes good broth. Only this one is mentioned by both commentators and I often read Italians quoting this saying.

I received two versions:

1. L'età non è tutto se la persona è buona.

Age is not all ( there is ) if the person is good.

2. l'interpretazione ormai invalsa per questo proverbio è di natura strettamente sessuale: le donne mature riservano più gradevoli sorprese a letto di quelle giovani. Di solito pronunciato proprio dalle donne mature, in competizione con le più avvenenti donne di giovane età.

I don't know what is "invalsa" so can't figure out the initial part, I think he meant this saying is more of sexual in nature: mature women reserve more surprises in bed than younger ones. Usually this is typical of older women to compete with the more attractive women who are younger in age. Personally I think Italian men love to use this saying to flatter all women. Italianos want to sapu all women young or old.

Cluck!!!!

Famous Italian Sayings (2)

2009-02-28T23:45:00.008+08:00

These are sayings from a second commentator,

"Rosso di sera, bel tempo si spera"

Red sky at night, fine weather one hopes.

Quando di sera il cielo assume riflessi rosseggianti, è probabile l'indomani vi sia una bella giornata.

When the sky at night puts on red colour, it's probably the next day one would hope for a good weather.

Then he writes something in Napoletano. Grr very irritating. They never understand that I am already struggling with Italian and there's no way I can cope with another dialect. So I omit this Napoletano proverb.

"Non c'è due senza tre"

This one I think he meant: There's no two without three.

Verificatosi un fatto per due volte consecutive, in breve si verificherà una terza volta.

One verifies a fact for two times consecutively, briefly one will verify a third time.

"Il diavolo fa le pentole ma non i coperchi"

The devil makes the pots but not the lids.

Per quanto nascostamente si faccia qualcosa di negativo, prima o poi si viene scoperti.

No matter how much badness one carries out secretly, sooner or later comes the expose.

This one, I am doubtful...

"Chi non piscia in compagnia o è una ladro o è una spia"

One who doesn't piss in company is either a thief or a spy.

Chi rifiuti di urinare all'aperto insieme ai suoi amici, ha qualcosa da nasconder loro.

Those who refuse to pee in open together with their friends, he has something to hide from them.

"Non dire gatto, se non ce l'hai nel sacco"

Don't say cat, if you don't have it there in the sack.

Non bisogna esultare per un risultato che si stia per ottenere, ma solo per i risultati definitivamente ottenuti.

No need to exult for a result that one remains to get, but only for the results that are definitely obtainable.

"Chi non sa leggere la propria scrittura è un asino di natura"

One who doesn't know how to read the proper writing is an ass in nature.

Non c'è prova più lampante di stupidità che un individuo incapace di leggere quanto abbia steso di suo pugno.

There's no proof clearer than the stupidity of an individual incapable of reading how much he has on his spread out hand.

Famous Italian Sayings (1)

2009-02-27T22:42:00.007+08:00

1. "Tanto va la gatta al lardo che ci lascia lo zampino"

The cat goes so often to the lard that it leaves its footprint.

La spiegazione: Tanto desideri qualcosa che può essere negativo o positivo, tanto ne subisci le conseguenze.

The explanation: You desire something so much which can be negative or positive, you suffer much the consequence.

My Italian is getting rusty due to lack of practice as I lose interest and hardly can find time for virtual chat. So I logged into Unilang.org forum and asked Italians there to teach me some famous Italian sayings. That was the first one given to me. I worked out the translation and quoted them as verbatim as I could.

2."Meglio un uovo oggi che una gallina domani."

An egg today is better than a chicken tomorrow.

La spiegazione: E' l'equivalente del proverbio "chi si accontenta gode", ovvero, che è meglio qualcosa di buono oggi che qualcosa di migliore domani che è probabile che non arrivi, comunque.

It's synonymous with the proverb " One who is contented enjoys", to be more precise, it is better ( to have ) something nice today than something better tomorrow which probably never materializes, however.

3."Pagare sull'unghia"

Pay on the nail

La spiegazione: Pagare subito e in contanti

Pay immediately in cash.

Ah...This is a good one to demand money from stingy Italians. Many of them are.

*Should ask Ann Hathaway

4. "Una tira l'altra"

One ( cherry ) pulls another one.

La spiegazione: Detto di cosa particolarmente piacevole - spesso del cibo - che è particolarmente gradita sino a dare quasi dipendenza (a me lo fa la cioccolata ad esempio).

I talked about particularly pleasant thing - usually food - that is particularly welcomed until it is almost addictive. ( to me, that's chocolate for example )

By the time I read to this part, I have noticed a pattern. But I'd better look at the next commentator to confirm my itchy suspicion...

Hospital is a Great Place to Exercise

2009-02-23T23:06:00.004+08:00

No parking is allowed in Queen Elizabeth Hospital. The hospital's car-park building where I grumpily put my Kancil, is almost one km away across four lanes.

I carry one big picnic basket in one hand and another hand, a small bamboo basket. I bet I look like an auntie about to sneak into the hospital to sell kuih-muihs. ( As a matter of fact, some vendors somehow managed to sneak in under the security's nose and sold guavas to hospitalized patients ). These days there is a major renovation going on so I am not sure about the route. First I try using the overhead bridge that leads to some new buildings only to find all doors locked. So I turn back, descend and walk around the renovation site, ascend the hill behind the emergency ward, climb another two flights of staircases which turned out to be the longest route to reach the bed of my brother-in-law.

He is all curled up, nostrils plugged to a huge dirty oxygen tank, entirely absorbed in the misery of the unknown ailment plaguing his right lung and myriads of discomfort of two kidneys failure.

Suppressing my panting breathe, I placed the baskets as quietly as I can on his crowded desk.

As I turn back, my sister has also arrived. Even though I have volunteered to bring him dinner, she cannot bear to leave him alone for one meal.

She immediately massages his backbone, speaking soothingly to her husband. She has been styling dozens and dozens of coiffures the whole day and right after work, she takes care of him. She's literally working to death.

He adamantly refused medical insurance. He has been on hemodialysis for two years, complications, two young sons and his apathetic family. All burden is on my sister.

Girls, never ever marry a man who refuses medical insurance.

I bring some homemade fresh portobello mushroom soup for them. But the soup has become cold by the time I walk all the way up there. I felt bad. Next time must put the food in thermos.

I try to help sister to massage him. The vein on his left hand with the catheter is swollen to almost 1.5 cm in diameter. It's as if there's a thin green snake adhering to his arm which has been subjected to countless needle pokings. Then there's rashes on his back due to recent onset of arthritis.

She has to run up and down the hospital to locate a wheelchair to take him to the toilet. During my one hour stay there, he doesn't have the appetite to eat dinner. At that point, I leave. It is getting dark and I am nervous about returning to a gloomily-lit semi-deserted car-park.

The trip back to the car is another km.

Public Bank Visa Electron

2009-02-18T11:48:00.004+08:00

Nutshell

Public bank phoned me recently to inform me they need to reissue my debit card for security reasons. Reissuance no fuss. The catch is they did not tell me that I have to fill in two sets of online forms in order to carry out online transactions. They give MISLEADING instructions on the forms then they punished me by locking my card for filling in the form incorrectly. When I called their customer service, the lady on the other side of the line in KL was VERY RUDE and in effect scolded me for not answering her questions properly before mercifully unlocking the card.

The Virtual Landmines

Credit Line - The online instructions gives you bullshit when they tell me to leave this section blank for debit card. Actually, you have to fill in six zeros. ( This one the public bank customer service lady scolded me )

IC Number - This one you have to remember whether you gave your old or new IC number to the bank. The Dowager in the customer service insisted on my old IC number and scolded me for not providing it on-the-spot. When I came back to the darn online form to fill this section, I have to fill in my new IC number pula.

Mother's Maiden Name - I followed bulat-bulat and filled in my mother's maiden name. This one I kena scold teruk. I die also don't know why. I didn't fill the details for the new card so I don't know the bank people have filled in my mother's FULL NAME. The Dowager said I should remember this one mah based on the old application that I submitted ages ago. Initially I thought this is a secret question to help me remember my PIN but I found out the hard way they want the name of the woman who squirted me out of her uterus.

"Anything else I should know?" - The garang Dowager said none. Then I found out I don't know how to fill in the personal message. Public bank expects all customers who make online transactions to be geeks. Ptuiii!

My Opinion

Public bank never educates me on how to conform to their system and chastised me for the ignorance they themselves created.

In real life their service is wonderful ( again albeit unfriendly ). In the virtual world their service absolutely sucks. Many users are as confused as me, until this geek finds it necessary to create a tutorial just to teach people how to fill in Public Bank's online form. Good job, Melz!

Ouch! Dining with a Multi-Tasker

2009-02-02T17:11:00.008+08:00

It was a blue moon mighty Google made a spectacular blunder of telling everyone "Hey, your website is full of malware!" After the scare was over, Poverina wanted to celebrate the vindication of her little websites, also to soothe her shattered nerves.

She gave honourable mother a buzz : no need to cook dinner, let's go for pizza and pasta 50% discount at Jesselton Hotel.

Two situations developed after Poverina hung up.

One this side, Poverina looked forward to take her sweet time savouring the funghi soup, eating spinach ravioli one by one, picking items from the insalata one by one - tortoise speed as she does every day.

On the other side of the phone, honourable mother phoned her two grandsons to tell them she's treating them pizzas, phoned her buddy Ah May to tell her she could give her family a lift out to buy dinner, then she rushed home to pick up her couch potato husband who was sulking that day and didn't want to go out with her.

While waiting for the grandsons to get ready, honourable mother thought it would be a good idea to bring the maid along since their parents are not home: the maid could feed the younger boy while we all enjoyed pizza.

Well, Jesselton Hotel's discount was valid between 5pm-7pm. By the time Poverina found out the extra arrangements, there was only have one hour left for discount hour.

So Poverina hurried through the menu and ordered funghi soup, a large pizza, seafood insalata, lasagna, ravioli and minstrel soup.

As Poverina was starting on her last dish the minstrel soup, Ah May's two sons were getting hungry for dinner so Ah May phoned honourable mother to budge her. That bolted honourable mother out of her chair. She told the maid to shoo the grandsons to the car and left Poverina to occupy a table for five shoveling soup into her mouth as fast as a tortoise could manage. Poverina finished in haste not knowing the taste of all the exquisite Italian dishes. Then she grumpily hopped into honourable mother's car.

After taking her grandsons home lightning speed. Honourable mother said Poverina had to come along with her to pick up Ah May and family as she was dreadfully late.

Well, remember the bowl of minstrel soup? While waiting for the chicken hawker leisurely chopping up chicken pieces for a long line of hungry customers with Ah May at the end of the queue, the soup reached Poverina's bladder...expanding...fidgeting...

The greatest regret was, as Poverina was shoveling minstrel soup into her mouth her eyes caught sight of "Black Ink Risotto" on the menu board. AHHHHHH THAT WAS IL PIATTO CHE VORREBBE ASSAGGIARE TANTISSIMO. She was too stressed to take note of the menu.

This post serves to remind Poverina to stick to roti canai when eating out with honourable mother.

Review of Places You Pay to Pee in Kota Kinabalu City

2009-01-31T20:38:00.003+08:00

The public toilets are excluded from this review because their function is obvious so I cannot "tambah cuka tambah garam" to that.

20 sen - standard

Wisma Merdeka
Centre Point
Sabah State Library KK
Kompleks Karamunsing

Nothing laudable. Just a place to pee. I would say the hygiene standard is equal to toilets in the Philipines. Hmmm except in the Philipines I have one additional problem - Some toilet doors are too short and small for my 166 cm frame. So very shy, the other ladies waiting outside can see above my shoulder as I do my business inside the cubicle.

I really benci the toilet ( SINGULAR, I emphasize singular ) in Kompleks Karamunsing, they only have one at one end, so when I happen to pamper myself with Japanese food at the other end, I have to walk so farrrrr just to wee wee. Dunno why Karamunsing so stingy only make one toilet.

50 sen - deluxe

Warisan Square

All the elite class of KK jalan-jalan there to show off their designer's baju and bags. The toilet also look high class from the outside and the price. The one and only time I visited the loo there was a long queue plus no water. You don't necessarily get better service by paying more.

RM1.00 - U must be joking!

Central Plaza

The Joker opens this place after retiring from Batman series. See the colour of the building, exactly like the Joker's taste. They charge each car RM1.00 for multiply entries each day.

Lone-ranger like me who go to Giant to buy a few things then need to...it's like paying RM1.00 to pee-lah. They don't collect at the toilet, they collect at the parking booth outside. For this price, a family which came in with a van loaded with people untung-lah. Some more the students from nearby KK High School and people living in the Kepayan Ridge flats right opposite can simply walk in and pee for free.

I swear that must the Joker's logic.

RM5.00 above - Cinemas

Golden Screen
Palm Square Cineplex
Cathay Cineplex

It's only fair the cinemas take care of their patrons toilet needs. Cathay Cineplex however is very stingy with their toilet. Their toilet is outside the auditorium. After the show ends, the staff block the exit that leads to the toilet. They drive the patrons like sheep through another door. My first visit there IS the last.

Free - Not the bush!

Citymall

Free entrance. Free parking. Free toiletS. ( Plural, yes I emphasize the PLURAL )

My worst pee-ing adventure here.

Ah Pek Beats the KK Mechanics

2009-01-28T18:52:00.004+08:00

A fortnight before CNY, poverina finds it difficult to start her little kancil. So she takes the kancil to the only mechanic in Lido shops.

The mechanic asks her to start the car and then asks her to start it again with the air-con on.

"I can't find anything wrong with your car," he smiles apologetically making sincere eye contact.

"What a shameless liar lazy bump", poverina curses in her heart, wishing she could kick the lazy guy's butt and get him to work. Alas being a poverina, she can only pretend to believe him and left.

The following week, the little kancil is coughing. So she drives the little kancil to Bundusan Industrial area opposite Perodua service centre and chooses a workshop randomly.

A friendly mechanic whistles at the dilapidated spark plugs and says these must be replaced. Also the belt behind the plugs needs to be changed too. The charge is RM90 almost all the cash in poverina's purse but she gladly pays as long as the car doesn't break down during CNY.

On the second day of CNY, the kancil's engine refuses to come alive. Instead of the usual revving, it is just " tak tak tak tak tak". So poverina calls the friendly mechanic and tells him what have happened.

"I am won't be working until next Monday," is the reply, " I think you have to find another mechanic." Poverina presses on the red button of her out of date Nokia, uttering maledictions for the scoundrel. ( No mechanics work during CNY, thanx for the wishy washy service and crap )

Poverina's honourable father is an Ah Pek who is exactly 70 years old this year. He has been a trained mechanic for 4 decades. Since colour TV appears in KK, he becomes hopelessly addicted to the tube and has been an unrepentant couch potato.

Honourable father's eyes are fixed to astro as always when she tells her folks about her car.

"Ah, it must be your starter," barks her honourable mother.

"Nah...the tak tak tak indicates a weak battery," says the old man, eyes still on TV. The mother and daughter disputes his theory because the kancil has just got a new battery two months ago. Honourable father doesn't budge both his butt and from his theory.

Mother begins to do some plannings while poverina plans on waiting until CNY holidays are over to walk to the nearest petrol station and beg a mechanic to come to the house.

The next morning, honourable mother buys a wire from Lintas then hen-pecks her husband to prove his diagnosis. Using the wire she has bought and connecting it to big clips, he conducts electricity from the battery of his wife's shabby wira to the kancil's battery. After one try, the kancil's engine comes alive!

With 30 minutes, Ah Pek replaces the battery under his wife's supervision. The kancil is good to go again!

Conclusion: Poverina used to have an American friend who complains about the mechanics in KK : they charge her money for this and that but her car is never fixed.
Sadly and obviously this friend is right. Woe to those whose cars break down in Kota Kinabalu.

Chinese New Year Sucks

2009-01-28T00:37:00.003+08:00

1. Cannot eat the food I crave. I want to have fried rice on the second day of CNY but honourable mother says cannot : " Fried rice is prohibited on the second day ".

2. Many other silly rules pertaining to food due to word pun: Steamy kitchen said do not serve fried squid because " Chao You Yu" means you're fired in Cantonese. Then I better be a Hokkien because for them, shreds of fried dried squid wrapped in salad leaves is a traditional CNY dish. I guess my family is never prosperous because every year we cook " Dan Dung Gu" stewed mushrooms, some more in chicken claws.

3. Dong dong chiang chiang CNY songs and dong dong chiang chiang lion troupe dance can legally torture me ears. I have nothing personal against nice Chinese songs, but what they call Chinese songs in Malaysia ( mamma! ) is just - noise. The greedy Chinese associations simply send out little boys with things that look more like udangs than lions to solicit donations from the public, some more their performance is so wishy-washy. They do a good job to cheapen the beautiful lion dance culture.

4. Daylight robbery is legal during CNY. For me, a perfect holiday means I can wander aimlessly into any eateries, or have a pedicure out of impulse. However, during CNY, I have to be careful to check the prices before eating at a shop. Pampering hair and nails is out of question: it's either ridiculously expensive and mostly the shops are closed. Mom paid RM 3 for one bunch of skinny salad leaves this morning ( nah, that's for not making fried rice ).

5. It must the curse of the "Dan Dung Gu". My little kancil konked out also this morning. I called up the mechanic who had supposedly fixed my car and he said he won't be available until next week. Where to find mechanic during CNY in this darn Kota Kinabalu?

6. 99.9% of my students have no mood to study for the whole month of CNY season. But right after CNY come the exams. I am not able to cover the required syllabus due to their silly CNY moods and they will be screaming for extra classes when they wake up from the CNY reverie later. In between there's Chap Goh Meh.

7. The red lanterns swaying in dark nights make many houses look like rumah hantu.

Two Small Pieces of Chocolate Cake

2009-01-12T13:11:00.006+08:00

I hate to eat cakes.

All the cakes displayed in bakeries never interest me. I can't comprehend when Theresa told me:

" I drool at the sight of cakes."

As long as I am not eating cakes, the whole world can drool and enjoy theirs. The problem is, they don't leave me alone. A bunch of my lady acquaintances become obsessed with baking cakes. At parties, they always bake at least one and shove a big chunk to me.

Dear God, I cringe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They even bring cakes to the house and ask us to sample. Mama! I am not safe from DARN CAKES at the comfort of my own home.

I tell them politely I don't fancy cakes and just eat a little for diplomacy's sake.

To vent my distaste, I created a Yahoo nickname for myself : "Odio Torte".

Odio= I hate

Torte=Cakes

Later someone hacked this ID, I must have incurred the wrath of many cake lovers. The hacker must have cast an effective curse on me as well because...

Many things go wrong in my life, the worst crisis is my health...it takes away sweetness, and I am shrouded by

unknown fear,

helplessness,

despondency,

apathy,

loneliness.

One day, I found two small pieces of chocolate cake in the fridge.Helen made these cakes and asked her husband to deliver them to the house.

Helen does not know my feelings for cakes. She is busy. She has a full time job, a part time voluntary work, a husband, a six-year old boy and an infant. She and her husband divide their time to care for her father's emotional needs and his parents' emotional needs. Every month, I do not see them for a week when they visit his parents in Kudat.

Therefore, I dare not take her time, we ended up never knowing each other well. But it's obvious, she wants to give whatever little time she has to be a friend.

For once, I did not give away the cakes to my students. I ate them.

-_- ( Lots of endurance and long-suffering ) Somewhere along the masticating,

sweetness. Not sweetness of the detestable cake, it's the long-lost sweetness of life. But...

...Helen my dear,

Can I just have a cracker next time?

Brats Too Lazy to Take Care of Their Pencils Deserve the Life Cycle of a Dragonfly

2009-01-08T15:10:00.007+08:00

Chronic case 1 : Ah Vui. Senior One. Almost my height. Double my weight. NEVER brings his pencil to my classes. He always wraps a bath towel on his head like a ninja when he shows up sometimes with a spoon to scoop "the best custard in the world" which he brings along. His younger sister Yvonne's pencil case is forever bursting with the fanciest stationery. After loaning him her lovely technical pencils many times, she got fade up and "close shop" to him. So he has to use my dilapidated wooden pencils.

He complains wooden pencils are not as sharp pointed as technical pencils.

"A beggar is not a chooser," I tell him.

Then he says it is my responsibility to sharpen the pencil for him.

Well...it's a waste of my breathe to reason this aspect with him. His mother carries his school bag for him to the school bus. His mother takes him to the bookshop whenever he loses a school text as final exam is round the corner - again and again. His maid still accompanies him to and fro my house which is only a few blocks away. His younger brother helps him to print out his exam syllabus and schedule. I have no chance of convincing him that life should not be pampered to that abnormal extent.

"I hate sharpening pencils, I'd be in a very bad mood if I have to do it," I growl.

That settles the wooden pencil issue. Ah Vui has been using all my dilapidated pencils since then, occasionally complaining that they are too short. I will never give in. I still keep him because this is his only mega-shortcoming. He always endeavors to finish his given assignments and gives me writings of surprisingly interesting opinions and he has a natural flair for coining new vocabulary. The longer he's with me, the more he reasons like me. Best of all, he knows my likes and dislikes very well. Still, I want to win in this pencil issue, he heh.

Chronic case 2 : Tauke Tan. Primary Six. Literacy level of primary one. His was 100% illiterate when I met him a year ago. The only child of financially well-off parents. Full time occupation: being served like a king, watch TV and play games. His maid brings him everything he wants. He still wets his bed and his mom still baby talks to him.

Initially he borrows pencils from his cousin who is also in my class. When I found out, I forbid cousin from loaning her pencils because they ended up throwing the pencils back and forth to each other.

I told him he gets only lousy pencils from me. His only chance of using 'decent' pencils is bring his own. After about 6 months, yesterday was the first time he ever brings his own pencil.

I don't mind keeping this tauke. He meekly submits to most of my instructions. Sometimes when we have disagreements, all I need to do is to let him know again and again I will never give in to silly requests and he eventually learns the hard way. Wicked chuckles*

A baby dragonfly has fat chance of getting parental pampering. Dad and mom have about 7 weeks to live, so they are busy making more babies. His parents duties are done when mom plonks the creamy eggs into a pond. By the time he hatches as a tasty nymph, his dad and mom may be already half way to the grave.

Chronic case 3 : Ah Shian. Primary Three. He brings tons of pencils but always begs me to sharpen them for him.

He has a peculiarly "manja" way of begging. He clings to my arm like a leech, puts on this most pathetic expression and whines " Pleazeeeee sharpen my pencil for me." And he'll cling on like this making it difficult for me to walk until I tell him coldly,

"Whose responsibility to sharpen the pencils, yours or mine?"

He's the smart son of an engineer, he knows the answer. He only needs someone to throw the ball back at him. By the way, I don't allow him to sharpen pencils in my classes. He has to sharpen them at home.

You people should spend one day in a dirty pond as a dragonfly nymph. No air-cons in the living room and bedroom. You only get to stick around a slimy mud home. No time to watch TV, you have to be on the alert all the time, otherwise a tilapia may snack on you. Yum! There's no parents to pay for a maid to serve food to you on a silver platter. Remember they are already R.I.P. by the time you are hatched. However they do endow you with a mouth that can function like a fast fork lift for you to grab small fish or mosquito larvae for food. Yeap everything is D.I.Y. for a dragonfly nymph. You want to eat, go and hunt food for yourself. If you want to be a lazy bum as you are now, you starve-lah! What, you think you can get your wings and fly to freedom soon? From what I know, dragonfly nymphs live in water for at least two years and some even five years before they reach the stage of growing wings. A dragonfly nymph will gladly take care of a pencil if it can swap position with you.

Let's Make a Scarecrow

2008-12-31T17:55:00.002+08:00

Get an old broom stick make a crux with another stick. Peg the clothes you want to dry and erect it in the paddy field. Ha ha ha

Sometimes, you can be a bit innovative...

Ugly City, Ugly Taste for Movies

2008-12-28T23:30:00.006+08:00

With the cineplex thingie in Center Point plus other cinemas showing at least twenty different movies at the same time in KK, I still rarely have the desire to go for movies. Even when I am bored stiff, even though I don't have a TV. I don't crave for the cinemas here.

It's easy to categorize what they have: American, Hong Kong and occasionally, made in Malaysia. They don't even show Bollywood. Out of this three, I don't have to spell out which ones are downright shallow and which one is stereotype, huh?

X_ X

Narrow-mindedness rules. Anything not belonging to the preferred cultures does not sell.

Okay, okay...I am nagging because I crave to see Nuova Cinema Paradiso.

I want to see on the big screen how the village Catholic priest plays censorship board. He views all the movies that are to be showed. Whenever the scene heats up to passionate kisses, he rings his bell in disapproval and Alfredo the projectionist marks the portion with a paper to be clipped off later.

I bet many self-righteous souls are offended by the similarity they share with the Sciliano-Catholic priest. You know...the fuss about dressing up like a tomboy and yoga...this one I am really annoyed...how could they ban Brad Pitt's Toyota ad to save the ego of ketot Malaysian men? ( Millions of tears, I cannot see Brad Pitt for free. May they incur the wrath of all Malaysian females. )

I crave to see little Toto and his friends gluing their eyes to a kissing couple and their hands going to the wrong places and ... Alfredo shows up. Awww how come no one manage to upload this scene on Youtube?

I don't mind hearing Alfredo yelling "Minkia" at Toto the monkey. Ha ha, they don't even translate this in the English subtitles.

I must be sadistic because I love to see the Maestra ( teacher ) so garang one. She keeps on asking a bongok student "Allora, quanto fa cinque per cinque?" ( So, how much is five times five? ). First he said "Trenta" ( Thirty ), then he said "quaranta.".( forty ) His head kena ketuk the blackboard a few times. Then the teacher asks the class to recite 1x5=5, 2x5=10, 3x5=15, 4x5=20... Un cinque cinque, due cinque dieci, tre cinque quindici, quattro cinque venti... Meanwhile Toto flashes a page showing a Christmas tree and whispers venti cinque . .. ( twenty five ) and the teacher asks " Per ultima volta, quanto fa cinque per cinque?"( For the last time, how much is five times five? ) To which the bongok answers confidently: "Natale!" ( Christmas ) Kena wallop lah, how to save him? Ha ha.

The final scene is the killer: All the kiss scenes the Catholic priest orders Alfredo to cut, he collects in a tin and presents it to Toto after his death. A long long trailer just the tasteful way an Italiano likes it, just the way someone more righteous than the Catholic priest hates it. This brings up the strangest mixture of emotions in me as I wander between the kisses and Toto's expressions because instead of erotic, it overwhelmingly showers all of Alfredo's unselfish love for Toto. It made me almost cried.

It's heresy in this city. So I better let them google what is "minkia"

Does This Insomnia Home Remedy Work?

2008-12-27T09:14:00.003+08:00

Here's one incredible sounding natural home remedies:

Insomnia?

"The fresh stems of groundnut plant, take the tip part 30 grams. Make a decoction with 150 ml boiling water. Consume one hour before going to sleep. Do this for 2-3 nights and you will see improvement. Continue to do this for another 10 nights for better results." - adapted from Chinese Traditional Medicine Dictionary.

Thank you, Mr author for sharing with us an affordable way to ward off insomnia. This is 5000% cheaper than inhaling lavender essential oil, whole body massages, home spa bath and countless rip-off merchandises proliferating in this ugly city.

But you know, there are two tips to the ends of a groundnut plant: one towards the leaves and another towards the roots. Which one?

I am having insomnia meditating on the tips of groundnut stems now.

0 _ O

See that's my eyes throughout the night.

Kundasang Holiday 5: Lunch in Nabalu. Whack! Meow...

2008-12-23T13:54:00.006+08:00

I am getting quite fade up with the ugly shops in Kundasang. A poverina does not expect posh settings. With beautiful, beautiful surroundings here, all you need is just cleanliness, neatness, throw in a few plants and a little creativity even a pondok can become a charming little eating place.

So I thought hmm finally someone is creative enough to build an outdoor platform centred around a massive tree in Nabalu. From the white dining tables, I can have a 270 degrees panoramic view of the Crocker Range. If I pretend not to see the pretty tudung ladies there, I am in Switzerland.

( Wah, only pay less than 50 Ringgit bus fare from KK to the Alps and lunch in a quaint setting for less than 10 Ringgit. )

I order stingray curry rice and smug and smug and smug...until the food arrives.

Eh, how come the fish is not stingray one? Hmm the stingray has become ikan kembung. Some more this kembung attracts endless hordes of flies around me. It's a feat sitting daintily to feed my ravenous stomach and waving at the flies simultaneously.

"It's the fly season, we can't help it," the waitress smiles apologetically as she brings me a tiny candle - a futile means to ward off the flies.

The kembung also attracts something else.

A scruffy cat comes to my feet. The problem is I have a very soft spot for cats and they divine it. One wave, one bite and one shoo...with each shoo, the cat becomes bolder and almost jumps onto my lap. But I was determined. I finished two helpings of rice with that limpid kembung curry. I was too hungry from walking around cool Kundasang.

The coolness, the walks and meals that turn into war-zones. No wonder I sleep like a log there.

Home Remedies for Hangovers

2008-12-19T21:10:00.007+08:00

A woman who is a great drinker - not to the point of checking into Alcoholic Anonymous - but to the point of becoming an expert of home remedies for hangovers, is certainly not a poor woman as I am.

I was enjoying my evening brisk walking at the ugly Rainforest Park when the outdated Nokia rang : honourable mother asked me to give Sofia a lift home on her behalf.

"Where is Sofia?"

"At your sister's saloon, fixing her hair."

"Is she done yet?"

"Yes, she is."

Twenty minutes later, I had Sofia inside the Kancil with a dented bonnet.

"Could you take me to Sunshine bakery at Beverly hills to collect a black-forest cake? It's for a friend at a party tonight."

The 'friend' was a seventy-year old fish merchant loaded with bucks. He gives her fresh fish from his own trawler from time to time. She calls him ' kai ye '. She's in her twenties and he's not her sugar daddy. So I was curious, what made them click?

"How did you become acquainted with your kai ye?"

"Oh it was a long story." This lady is never straightforward. -_-

"Make it short. Did you meet him here or somewhere else?"

"Well...we met at a drinking place."

"Ah. you are drinking buddies."

"Yes."

The dented bonnet Kancil turned into Jalan Bundusan, clumsily.

"So tell me, how do you deal with hangovers?"

"Take hot tea."

" I heard you can make a sort of ginger drink as well."

"Yes."

"How do I fix the ginger drink?"

"Crush fresh ginger roots, add water and boil it"

"Okay, but I think this ginger hot drink is too spicy for my tongue. Any other choices?"

"Take lime drink, cold or hot."

" You can also drink honey." She added.

She assured me these remedies had been effective for her. I doubted if I would have the chance to verify her remedies as half a glass of beer is enough to make me intoxicated and red-faced. That's why I can never win over friends who gladly pay for my hair-saloon bills, sauna bills, massage bills etc, etc. like her.

Oh, but I surely wish for a constant supply of super-fresh fish, free-of-charge.

*A home remedy for hangovers poverina read from Herbal Emissaries : Eat the fresh stems and young seedlings of Chinese rhubarb. This is the Chinese traditional way of sobering of a drunkard. Remember not to eat too much and only the young plant, because the old plant is poisonous. Good luck.

How to Draw Cartoon Characters 2 : Dilemma

2008-12-19T17:05:00.001+08:00

I hope the kids will like it, when they study this online...

How to Draw Cartoon Characters

2008-12-16T23:16:00.005+08:00

To a non-genius, how to draw cartoon characters is a lot of mental and intellectual preparation.

My drawing assignment this week is to portray one of the Bahasa Malaysia sayings " Ditelan mati emak, diluahkan mati bapa."

My little brain goes:

*What two difficult choices?

* What two difficult and humorous choices?

I see a burglar tip toeing up a rambutan tree...

The owner of the tree sends out his ferocious dog.

No, no...I'd make the dog more ferocious by going after the burglar's butt. Then Mr Snake who has a good life on the rambutan tree is awakened from a lovely slumber.

I am satisfied that the snake and dog have very unhappy faces. Now I can define the pencil sketches with ink.

Still toying with the notion: " Shall I make the dog chew his butt?"
"That'd teach you to steal my precious rambutans."

I decided to let go his butt. Now I can colour and scan it, show you the final results later. Muahzzzz a te.

Kundasang Holiday 4 : A Bed of Roses - Not My Life

2008-12-09T22:59:00.010+08:00

Roses are never meant for me.

I suffered from sunburn visiting these roses at Agro T Nursery. Couldn't go in the morning due to rain which was not over until 1 pm. The long walk out from Chris' house to the nursery is still pleasant. The sun was glaring but didn't feel the heat - that made me forgot about radiation and using an umbrella. Consequently my nose got the worst burn. Ouch.

Most flowers here are big.

I mean, bigger than the skinny versions in Kota Kinabalu.

Almost the size of my palm.

The hibiscus.

The tecomaria.

Even this purple allamanda.

Red roses are not my cup of tea. This one is bigger than a tea cup. 0 _ 0

I like the hybrids. I had to be careful while photographing these beauties, watching the water trickling beneath my feet. The workers were watering during my visit, every where was wet, wet, wet. Slap>>>>> Scratch>>>>>> Itch >>>>>>Scratchy>>>>>>>scratch >>>>>>I paid two ringgit entrance fee to feed myself to the mosquitoes here.

Awwwwww. White is my favourite. In fact flowers with any cool colours. If they can ever make a blue hybrid, I will go crazy over it.

Rose sono amate. Una poverina non è amata. Quindi non compro rose.

Fussing about the Difference between Hair and Fur

2008-12-09T15:41:00.002+08:00

Zebra
Camel
Goat
Mouse
Fox
Rabbit
Leopard
Hippopotamus
Cow
Giraffe
Deer
Lion
Tiger
Cat
Dog
Buffalo
Squirrel
Monkey

Which ones have fur? and Which ones have hair?

Here are the answers from a kiddie science workbook:

Animals with hair:

Zebra
Camel
Goat
Hippopotamus
Cow
Buffalo
Giraffe
Deer
Monkey

Biologically, hair and fur are made up of the same substance, keratin. Theories on their differences are arranged according to my personal preference from top to bottom:

1. Let's discard the term 'fur' for a minute and talk about hair. There are two types of hair :

*Primary hair which is longer and coarser to protect the mammal's skin.

*Secondary hair which is fluffy to repel water and regulate body temperature.

Some animals have both primary and secondary hair. E.g. the polar bear. They are considered ' furry'.

Some animals have only primary hair. E.g. us humans and horses.

I like this theory because it clears the confusion about the male lion's mane and the horse's mane.

2. What about whiskers? Whiskers are defined scientifically as hairs that work as sensory receptors.

Let's bring out the lion. As a member of the cat family, the lion is obviously furry. The male's mane is hair. The whiskers are hair. So, is it scientifically correct to say that the lion is an animal with fur? Or an animal with fur and hair?

^ ~ ^

Awww Blog Caro mio

I dedicate this entry to the arbitrary mind that the Malaysian education system has allowed to slaughter our children's thinking ability.

Kids and Octopus Facts

2008-12-07T14:21:00.008+08:00

I was proud of the little bit I know about octopus.

We vertebrates think that we are more intelligent than the invertebrates. Any other living things other than humans which are considered intelligent are monkeys and dolphins. How about adding octopus to the list?

Octopuses kept in aquariums are observed to have the ability to solve problems. Of course we are talking about problems affecting the interest of an octopus. For example: how get to another water tank to steal the delicious fish there? An octopus can figure out sneaking in through a common pipe, had a great feast and sneaks back to pretend nothing happen at all.

Octopus family is single mother and kids. Daddies are destined to die after giving their sperms to mommies. The strangest octopus mating to me, is of the blanket octopus. The male is about the size of the female's eye. He swims into her mantle cavity, breaks off a special tentacle filled with sperms and presents it like a wedding ring to her. Then he dies. The female keeps the tentacle for weeks until she is ready to fertilize her eggs. She squeezes the tentacle the way we squeeze a toothpaste tube to produce baby octopuses. How unromantic.

But baby octopuses are cute from the day they conceived in tiny sacs. They look like miniature forms of their parents. Mother octopus is dedicated to guarding her babies. While many human housewives allow their houses to become messy to the point of shame, mommy octopus keeps her home meticulously clean. She 'sweeps' away all debris. She dies by the time the babies hatch.

I can understand why scientists were so excited to spot the first male blanket octopus alive in the Great Barrier Reef. For starters, the males are darn small. It's not easy to spot something the size of a walnut in the borderless pitch dark ocean with the possibility of some huge fishy jaws lurking behind for a yummy human snack. I believe male blankets octopus are as shy as most octopuses - a trait that keeps them away from human contact. Or, many of them end up in Japanese restaurants as appetizers, I have tasted tiny octopuses in Wagamama which is more or less the size of a male blanket octopus. Ooops.

I once saw a photo of a fish swimming above coral like rocks. The caption says there is an octopus in the photo. It took me a long time to make out an octopus with half closed eyes right beneath the fish's mouth. It has changed it's skin colour to blend in as part of the rock! So think again, a male blanket octopus about 2 cm capable of camouflaging itself in a vast watery frontier inaccessible to most humans.

This was the wonderful octopus tale I presented to my young students. Then I gave them ten minutes to draw a female and male blanket octopus. I went downstairs to sip a mug of coffee, returned within the stated time only to find out none of them has completed my assignment.

One kid managed to complete his drawing but it was a squid. Most of the kids were stuck at drawing the tentacles.

"Why you didn't finish the drawing?" I asked.

"Teacher...how many legs does an octopus have?" they stared at me helplessly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

0_0

Mamma, I know of course, otto is eight. I left out the most important fact.

Kundasang Holiday 3 : Mulberry and Rosemary in Mesilau

2008-11-29T20:04:00.006+08:00

Chris joked that we were in Switzerland. I think suakus who have never seen Kinabalu will buy this story. Never get tired of the fluffy clouds so near my hands could almost reach them, my first ever visit to Mesilau!

As we drove leisurely upwards, we saw this fruit which resembles strawberry all along the way. This 'Strawberry' doesn't touch the ground, it grows on a small tree. Chris asked me to pluck some and taste 'em, kind of soggy and sourish. They have real strawberries here which taste more delicious than this impostor. ._.

Even the inside resembles strawberry.

There's a family here who has mulberry trees at their backyard. The mother had plucked a bag for me so there's no more ripe ones left on the tree. Ha ha. She also gave me the few strawberries they had that day which were delicious awww. Too bad it wasn't mulberry season coz the mulberries are too sour to be eaten raw, usually we blender the fruits and make drinks. I asked one of the children to stand in front so that suakus who have never seen mulberry tree including me, can get an idea on the height and size.

A friend of mine used the mulberry leaves to make tea to rinse his eye. One day , a white object fell out from one of his eye! People tell me mulberry leaves are good for the bones and eyes. So naturally the sweet lady owner also gave me some of the leaves.

There's also a few rows of fresh rosemary plants in the yard.

Man, they are so easy to grow in Kundasang and supermarkets here sold them for like close to ten ringgit for a few leaves. She's trying to grow more to sell and I wish all success to her. Wow! Next time can bring some lamb legs from Tong Hing to BBQ with these free garden herbs, yum. Can't stay long though, the mosquitoes see to that I vacate a.s.a.p.

Home Spa on Stingy Budget

2008-11-29T13:16:00.009+08:00

My honourable mother's determination to enjoy spa at home is one of its kind.

She's not a poverina like me. ( That's another story on how she sees to that she's not at my expense ). She loves a lot of luxuries which I only dare to dream of. Once some MLM people talked her into buying this home spa equipment which costs more than RM5000. The apparatus itself is as noisy as a grass cutter. Since it has to be attached to a bathroom wall, the confined noise is mamma...

The wall apparatus is connected by a flexible hose to mattress which is attached to the bath tub. And mom's house doesn't have a bath tub. The two bathrooms in her house have the space to put your butt in front of the sink to wash hands, then one stride to the right side with just enough space to plant your butt onto the toilet bowl, then another stride again to the right side with just enough space to put your butt underneath the shower.

The option of buying a portable bath tub is out of question, obviously.

So...there's this rectangular covered water container they use in the kitchen to store water. The largest size is just enough for a person to squat inside. She put one next to the toilet bowl.

She doesn't have the kind of heater with the capacity to fill that container with hot water for the spa. So she boils two kettles of water on the gas stove. Ta-da!

Next item to take care of is to pay for the essential oils. She talked everyone in the household to try out her new spa toy. The main point of her preaching is: more spa, less medication, less side effects.

Even though I hated the noise, after one month of squatting in the container next to the toilet bowl, my menstruation cramps which has been a monthly nightmare is gone. My dad's feet which tends to swell as if he had elephantiasis during a gout flare-up shrink to normal size one day after taking a very hot pedispa. Usually he'd need an injection. Naturally I am impressed.

Being mother of course mom can discern my changed feelings for her spa toy and sigh...she also knows something that I don't - I have some extra money which is bonus payment from my insurance policy. She arranged for the bonus cheque and got me to install my own home spa unit. The commissions of the sale paid for her essential oils of a thousand ringgit.

I appreciate the benefits of spa at the comfort of my humble home at a fraction of cost. In fact , if I were not that lazy to boil two kettles of water, I can soak my self in the tub every day and let the water bubbles massage my whole body until I almost fell asleep. Dear blog, there's one secret weakness I am ashamed of: I used to shiver from head to toe at a slight drop in temperature . Now my body is so warmed up that as long as the air con doesn't blow right into my face, I can enjoy the coldness as most normal people do.

Sometimes mom pops by to use my bath-tub. She puts lots of essential oils into the tub until the water turns green if it's hayseed or yellow if it's juniper. After she's done, she would always tells me not to drain the water but keep it until the next morning so that she can come again, add more hot water and REUSE that pool of water. I am a cleanliness freak who shudder at the sight of that pool of used bath water and to have it around for more than 12 hours is distressing. I ended up telling mom not to save on essential oil because it makes the bath tub so dirty that I have to scrub it until my back aches.

Really, mom doesn't have to be such a scrooge because she takes the commission from selling the spa machine to me and she also takes the commission when I got a friend to buy it. But, she's not the stingiest of them all. The MLM people who sold this spa equipment and the essential oils beat her anytime. The commission is so lucrative it makes everybody I know in there covetous that you can't trust them even with one cent. If your house can accommodate a portable spa by all means get that.

-_-

Wester Union Outlets in Kota Kinabalu

2008-11-25T16:56:00.003+08:00

I do earn a few pennies displaying weird Google ads on my little web site. So far I have visited 3 Western Union outlets in Kota Kinabalu to collect my monthly ( smug* ) tinnee winnee Google payment. The ratings below are strictly based on my personal opinion:

1. CIMB Bank : Friendly staff who helped to explain the concept of Western Union to a suaku like me, showed me the two different forms and taught me to ignore the ridiculously short boxes which is not enough to fill up a long city name like Kota Kinabalu. The queue is reasonably fast. Too bad it's too far away from the main bus route, otherwise I would love to go there more often.

My rating : 80%

2. Public Bank : Usual trademark cold efficiency. I could not figure out which counters I should go to collect my payment. They see to that you are confused. :-) Anyways, no fuss with the collection process. Their branches are much more strategically situated to bus routes for a poverina.

My rating : 80%

3. Pos Malaysia HQ in Kota Kinabalu : This one-ah. Sometimes the queue is 20 minutes, sometimes it's 2 hours. Their Western Union procedure differs from the banks - they want a photocopy of your IC each time you apply for a payment and they want you to supply the phone number of the money sender.

Each requirement has a little problem attached to it.

First the IC photocopy. The first time I found out of course I didn't get the photocopy ready. There is only one photocopy shop near the post office. Not that I am lazy, but if you can foresee a long queue for sure you don't want to go far to save a few cents. That photocopy shop really cut throat lah. Other people charge 20 cent, they charge 50 cent. After I kena two times, I always make sure I make a 20 cent copy before going to the post office.

Then the sender's phone number. After visiting the post office a few times without incidents except for the 2-hour wait and 50 cent copy. Then suddenly they add a new rule- you must fill in the sender's phone number. I found out only when the counter clerk said that she had reminded me to find out the sender's phone number during my last visit and proceeded to scold me for ignoring her instructions.

The real problem is, I don't easily forget a pretty girl who dressed up like a fashion model working among aunties. I swear she never told me about the 'new' rule. Some more what's the logic of filling in Google's office number, guarantee they don't pick up a trivial call pertaining to an ikan bilis like me.

Another strange thing, I tried to ask different post offices around KK on the rate of sending money via Western Union and they all cannot give me an answer. I found out the rate after chatting with a Filipina who was queuing together with me at Public Bank.

My rating : 40% ( Actually I want to give 39%, but since they still give out the money then I give a grudging pass-lah )

Kundasang Holiday 2: A Fruit that Tastes like Coconut Pudding

2008-11-21T23:22:00.007+08:00

The seller told me its name, is "Buah ABU"

Take a spoon, scoop out the flesh and taste almost coconut pudding. The down side is it oxidizes quickly and too much latex. Chris smiled at this sakai who never sees buah abu sarcastically. He said there is a fruit similar to this one for sale in Putatan which tastes better. True or not oh...? I have to ask because that man will never remember to buy one for me.

Quella e' un'altra frutta strana ( a me ) della vicina montagna cara mia, Kinabalu.

Ever Pay for an Article from Scriptlance?

2008-11-17T21:53:00.009+08:00

Dear Blog,

Let me tell you about my first experience hiring a writer from Scriptlance.com

I prepared for the worst from what I had read in the Sitesell resources. The gist is, you get all kinds of funny people claiming to be experts in a faceless online community. The only way to find out if the writer is good is to pay for a small project. What is considered "small" is USD 50 minimum. Mama, that's my three quarters' month food bill.

With the intention of finding the suitable writers to help out in the future. I was thinking of peak seasons when the kids drive me nuts to the point of having headaches every day, then I can at least get some help to beef up the content in my websites.

So I picked two topics: enema and diverticulitis and posted a job. Within minutes there were offers coming in. Since I can't buy the great stories the applicants say about themselves, I thought maybe I could use the reviews of the other clients. So I picked the guy who got the most good reviews.

Three days later, I received this:

A story on how a 10-year old girl was asked to do a painful barium enema to find out the cause of her severe constipation. The story did not say what was wrong with her. Then the article goes on on how barium enema helps to relieve constipation, side effects of barium enema and blah blah barium enema.

I wrote the writer, telling him what I know about barium enema and asked him to include the enema that needs to be warmed up before use.

His reply :
He has no idea about that the enema I mentioned and that the story is based on the experience of his work mate who actually had barium enema like 20 times to relieve constipation.

I wrote him again to inform that it was fleet enema that I had in mind and I asked the focus to be on enemas in general so other common enemas such as coffee enema and alcohol enemas should be mentioned.

The result:
He added extra information, literally like picking up what I had said and wrote 'em word for word and gave me more or less the same article that barium enema helps to relieve constipation. This time I also get the diverticulits piece which is same @#$%^&*+*&^%$#@ crap that I can't use at all. By the time I counter-checked all the facts in his articles, I have come to know more about these topics than him.

Yeap, I paid USD50 to read about enema and diverticulitis for one week and another one week writing the articles myself. Hard lesson: Also, don't trust those *&^%$#@#$%^ reviews because they are just " I scratch your back, you scratch my back" garbage.

Kundasang Holiday 1 : Giant Custard Apple

2008-11-12T02:19:00.009+08:00

The biggest custard apple I have ever seen. Note they are almost the same size as the durians in front and the sour sops behind. I bought one for RM5. However the darn fruit never ripens.

Mama, bigger than my hand! Too bad the seller is not honest to pick it at the right stage.

Purtroppo non lo so come si dice il nome di questa frutta in Italiano...

Prawns on Wheels

2008-11-06T00:14:00.007+08:00

I thought Santa Claus was coming to town. The way people flocked to a honking freezer vehicle. "What is Ko-Nelayan's vehicle doing here?" I wondered ," don't tell me they are selling fish here..." Dying to satisfy my curiosity, I approached the Ko-Nelayan vehicle and weee I was right! Blink* blink*

I have seen this kind of mobile seafood stall before- outside of Malaysia, of courselah - fresh, squeaky clean and save you the trip to the supermarket. Don't know why this country who always so kiasu never catch up with this clever little concept. Many stalls that sell seafood here smell pee pee for example the fish market in Sembulan and even the Giant in Central Plaza. Not only the place smells pee pee even the fish after I clean meticulously still manage to smell pee pee. Eh, don't tell me I should go to Tong Hing guarantee clean. You think everyone can afford to buy Norwegian salmon and tuna - the price covers my food bill for two weeks. A poverina has no choice but stick to whatever they can catch from Malaysian waters. To be specific, after they have sorted out the top quality seafood, sell to orang putih, Singaporean and tourists, then the lousy leftovers for us locals.

Ah...that's the friendly Ko-Nelayan fish salesman. They have only ikan siakap and prawns that day. Unfortunately by the time they reached my house, my neighbours had sapu all the fish and only one kilo of prawns left. Awww I was looking forward to fish. Apart from the smell, most fish they sell here are heavily coated with preservatives therefore they taste kinda queer.

Anyways I got my landlady to share the one kilo of prawns with me. The total cost was RM15 so it's like RM7.50 for each of us. Not bad for fresh seafood that comes to my doorstep. The fish guys say they come every Saturday. My honourable mother who is more reliable than RTM says the mighty Ko-Nelayan finally humbles itself to the commoners due to bad economy, they even sell at Bukit Padang. I must remember to follow the ikan car to Bukit Padang one of these days.

Non ridete, e' vero raramente abiamo una macchina che vende pesce, quelli gamberi fresci pago meno di 4 euro per un kilo.

No Lip Gloss This Week

2008-10-26T17:50:00.006+08:00

Dear Blog,

My lower lip is slightly cracked, painful! The one and only tube of juicy-fruity brush-on lip gloss in the bath room, I dare not use. My most uncooperative student who always makes excuses to kill his time in the toilet had laid his hand on the poor tube, squirted the delicious cherry flavour content on the bathroom mirror, tap and sink from what I can see. I am suspicious that the lip-brush had also been rubbed on the toilet bowl against its will.

This boy stained my floor, bathroom sink and my beloved bathing sponge with ball pen blue ink. He spilled black ink when he tried to write Chinese calligraphy against my prohibition. He also scribbled ink on the beautiful glossy poster which I use to teach names of flowers. Coming to think of it, the steel folding chair I assigned to him which he always folds and unfolds is near the brink of becoming unfit to be sat on.

Of all these deeds, if I did not catch him red handed, he denies vehemently. His mother puts faith in his words. So I have no intention of pursuing further the latest untimely destruction of another useful item. Awww, why this has to happen at a time when I am too busy to shop for another lip gloss?

Two days later, I dismiss all my classes. Yeah, I am taking a fortnight break and got myself a new lipice. The hazel blush shade matches my natural lip colour perfectly. I can also think more sanely and discover that in the absence of lip gloss, I could have also gone to the back yard and pick aloe vera or get a slice of cucumber for the cracked lip.

I bury my first lip gloss the cherry tea. You will always be cherished for protecting my lips, for getting me compliments, for making me 5 years younger without the artificial cosmetic look! Tears~~

What Do You Call The Thingie You Dig Out From the Nose?

2008-10-12T12:11:00.005+08:00

Dear Blog,

Even though I call my nephew "little monkey", he is a 10-year old boy who is trained to like cleanliness. Last week when he joined my tuition class, I asked him to sit next to an 8-year old lazy bum.

After a while, my little monkey put his pencil case as a barrier in between him and his neighbour. I asked him why? He pointed to the lazy bum who was leisurely poking one finger into his nostril, fully indulged in the pleasure of nose-digging.

"What? He's only digging his own nose, not yours." I said.

"But after that he uses his dirty finger to poke me," little monkey protested.

Taking his cue from our dialogue, that little lazy bum leisurely pulls out his finger and poke little monkey's arm.

"Yucky!" my little monkey recoiled in disgust.

I had to tuck the lazy bum to the furthest end of the table. Personally, I think he should eat up whatever he dug out and lick his finger spick and span. What am I saying? He's been eating the harvest from his nostrils - in a quiet blissful manner unlike another boy who scrawled lots of f*ck words illustrated with middle fingers on my walls.

That boy whom I shall call rich brat, digs vigorously into his nostrils then transports the offending finger slowly into his mouth to suck passionately, savouring every ounce. He makes this such a noisy affair that the whole class was attracted to his peculiar culinary taste, amidst "Ewwwws" and "yucksss". Oh, he also makes it a point to eat MORE whenever his classmates express revulsion. Without a doubt the rich brat has a healthy appetite. Going to Hyatt for buffet is a routine for his family so I have no regrets he sneers at the humble biscuits I offer the kids and prefers his own biological product.

Oh my, did I just say that rich kid has HEALTHY appetite?

"Eating the stuff you dig out from your nose is good for your health," Jun - a little nerd in my class told me seriously. He proceeded to quote a research article which he read in a magazine to substantiate his statement.

The nose-diggers eat more enthusiastically after hearing his comments.

Anyways, what Jun said made me wish that Mr Leon, the snout prodigy were a real person instead of a brilliant story written by Manisha. I would love him to tell me all about the nostril goodness.

Would be useful point to ponder when a poverina is low in food supply.

Uffa Trovo Luffa

2008-10-10T00:20:00.003+08:00

Mio Blog caro,

Prima, cavolo alle gente cui fabbricano la spugna che io uso a lavare i piatti! La spugna si esaurisce dopo qualche volte. Se la spugna è fissato ad una paglietta, la paglietta allontanarsi dalla spugna prima riesco ricordare il colore della spugna. Fammi piu' povera solo da comprando spugna, spugna, spugna.

Poi la mia padrona di casa ricorda a me usare luffa per i piatti. Che buona idea. Come mai non pensare di quella zucca? Forse io sono cosi occupata di mangiarla fino a dimenticata che ha altri usi.

Una luffa mi è costato meno di un euro, la mia padrona dice: esaurisci quattro spugne ancora la luffa è ancora li. Benchè luffa non è morbida, almeno è naturale e anche posso usarla sfaldare la mia faccina. Io bacio la luffa, ben venuta alla vita di poverina.

Dual Action Colon Cleanse

2008-10-05T18:30:00.006+08:00

Dear Blog,

Today I would like to meditate on the meaning of dual action colon cleanse. First of all the concept of colon cleanse itself is a controversy. Smart medical doctors say there is no such thing as fecal matter that accumulates in the colon for years until it becomes bigger or longer. Never mind the autopsy of John Wayne ( Yeah, they say it's fabricated ) and Elvis Presley ( Yeah, they say it was drugs ) and the operation of an Israelite man who ate too much pomegranates ( Yeah the accumulated poo couldn't be that big ). If colon cleanse is a quack notion, I wonder if these same doctors could explain how come many constipated folks can pass out so many incredible stuff after flushing their colons? Besides, Ayurveda and traditional Chinese medicine support the concept of colon cleanse. I fear many Indians and Chinese are not going to be pleased.

Anyways, assuming colon cleanse can work some good. Then what is dual action colon cleanse? When I made myself the guinea pig of a Japanese colon cleanse - they say apart from flushing toxin, I am also consuming lots of friendly bacteria. The product I used did not say dual action but I guess that's the definition based on the similar functions an American colon cleanse describes itself, when using the term "dual action".

Dual action colon cleanse began to sound contradicting to my little brain when I come across one such named brand that claims to lose weight, improve skin and hair condition etc etc. Mamma ! At least don't name it dual action. I wonder if some American folks can enlighten me on how hot is the infomercial on TV albeit bizarre content, so much so that many folks are researching it on the internet. I wonder if these folks are trying to find out the quality or to verify stories of buyers complaining the company concerned charging their credit cards for products they did not order and not honouring their refund arrangement.

The brand name alone is enough to dissuade me to try out this product. But I believe as long as there are still people who say they are helped by this product, dual action colon cleanse will stay on for some time. After all it has created quite a name for itself.

Testicoli Friabili

2008-10-03T17:55:00.001+08:00

Testicoli Friabili
Originally uploaded by qxx772000

Mio Blog Caro,

Tante gente nella mia citta' piacciono a testicoli friabili. Ecco, quelli
spuntini piccoli si puo' comprare alle strade.

E' fatto da risi collosi. C'e' pasta di fragioli rossi oppure arachidi polverizzati con zucchero dentro.

Giuro il nome e' cosi, quindi mai dico che e' il mio spuntino preferito.

povero cibo...

Violence on TV

2008-10-01T10:08:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog

I want to tell you, I will never understand Dutch taste. Just watch their TV. Most programs are in Dutch. ( Alien language ). They have free pornography after midnight. But I think this local documentary gets a prize for being outstanding from me. Some TV people were trying to catch speed hogs on camera so they had this gadget that showed the speed of the targeted car on the TV screen. Then the TV crew followed the car. The whole show goes on like this for one hour. You see the back side of the speeding car and I watched my Dutch friends who were watching the whole thing. zzZZ

The most memorable TV violence I could recall was from a soap opera. You know, the kind that runs for ten years and all the men and women inside have copulated with each other. There was this lady who was mentally sick. She kidnapped her ex-husband. She strapped him to a chair, hands and feet tied, mouth gagged. The next scene was, he had a black eye and she became pregnant by him.

The only thing I enjoyed on TV during my stay was watching "Sixty Seconds" CD. When Nicholas Cage went into action, all my Dutch friends ran away. My Dutch lady tried to talk me into learning Dutch and marrying one of the Dutch guys. My little head started to see myself watching my Dutch husband watching TV crew following cars to measure speed for one hour while we have bread for breakfast and lunch and potatoes for dinner. I know she loves me and she wants me to be happy but...

The Hindustanis are jumping over mountain and round the trees. Hindustani music blasted me back into reality. I was chewing rubbery roti canai in a mamak shop and somehow my mind wondered back to Holland. The Hindustani stars may not impress me with their fist fighting but they make up by jumping and running hard in the musical part. The mamak shops may not serve crispy roti canais and they are reluctant to heat up dhal and curries but they make up by providing huge TV screens, showing cabled Indian programs. So it feels like Deepavali each time I step into a mamak shop. The mamaks can watch me following the Hindustani pretty lady running around pillars. When Jackie Chan punches guys until their noses bleed profusely, nobody runs away.

Speaking only on behalf of myself, I cherish every ounce of TV violence that passes the surveillance of our "strict" television censorship. I especially savor macho guys yelling profanities that goes toooooooooot ( censored ) before going on an M-16 spree.

Dear Blog, you can call me bad. I am glorifying the Malaysian TV violence which I think is as tantalizing as Malaysian food with three main flavours : Chinese, Hollywood and Bollywood. To these, I am a hardcore addict. How to convert to Dutch this way?

Un Albero nel Olanda e Malaysia

2008-09-30T00:31:00.004+08:00

Quando ero nel Gronigen, gli Olandesi mi dicono seriamente: è un peccato tagliare un albero. Che cosa si farebbe se avrebbe bisogno di sbolognare un albero? Farebbe domanda da consiglio comunale. Poi il consiglio fara' uscire il albero e lo traslochera' in altro posto.

Motivo: Ci sono pochi alberi in Olanda. Qualchi alberi che crescono in Amsterdam, gli Olandesi dicono e' una foresta. ( Mamma! )

Il risultato: Olanda è una paesa bella anche se' un po' pelata.

La mia citta' Kota Kinabalu, sempre vedi una tavola di legno che scrive: "Taglia Albero" in Malese. Seriamente le gente in Kota Kinabalu odiano gli alberi. Coprono il loro giardino con cemento. Tagliano una fila di alberi se tante macchine parcheggiano sotto nascondere dal sole caldo. Il nostro consiglio comunale si, crescono alberi - pero sono alberi brutti che non fanno molto ombra oppure sono velenosi. Che simpatico.

Motivo: Loro sono una nazione non sviluppata che dicono loro sono svilupatta.

Il risultato: La mia citta' Kota Kinabalu è una citta' brutta anche se' non è pelata.

Television Trivia: Who, Really is the First Inventor of - Which -Television?

2008-09-24T10:51:00.013+08:00

Dear Mr John Logie Baird:

Please excuse me for not knowing how on earth to pronounce your middle and last names. A poverina like me will never have that kind of money to get to anywhere where I can ask a Scot.

I got your name listed on my school text books as the first inventor of television. After reading about the history of camera, which dawned on me as more or less similar to the history of television, I have to disagree on some fine points.

I am a typical woman who is very dumb with machines. I will ( see, I don't write: I shall ) never figure out the components of a television. What I can gather is, there were more than one genius who discovered the different principles and components to transmit live images through wires in a box, at more or less the same time period. However, it was the first guy/s who got the holy grail of $ namely, patent rights who was addressed as "the inventor". I heard that you wouldn't get the patent if the quality of your invention stinks, so I guess you deserve your credit as ONE of the first inventors.

My humble opinion: many people forget that television went through a series of rapid evolution from its most primitive structure to the ultra-sophistication today. Objectively speaking, no single man can claim to be the inventor of television because it was, is and will continue to be the joint effort of several geniuses. That's why more respectable references called you the inventor of mechanical television while Mr Vladimir Kosma Zworykin and Mr Philo T. Farnsworth are considered the pioneers of electronic television.

Schools in my ugly city is fond of putting your surname, Baird in one column with the names of other inventors and television in another column. At times, I was itching to cancel your name and substitute: Smith, Nipkow, Theremin, Ives. Then I was itching even more to argue: the first inventor of WHICH television? Tsh tsh...That would be heresy. Yeap burnt on the stake for looking at the big picture.

La Persona Cui Amo Piu'

2008-09-21T16:55:00.005+08:00

Mio Blog Caro,

Non posso scrivere il suo nome qua. Ci sono troppi acerrimi nemici. Pero certemente mi sta guardando e sa.

___________________

Dal ero una piccolina, ti chiedevo come riesco essere una bambina perfetta nei tuoi occhi.

Al ora avevo diciotto anni, mi avevo insegnato che era non possibile essere una donna perfetta per te.

Communque, mi accetti. Quando ero una bambina magra e brutta. Quando sempre avevo un naso che cola. Cosi facevo spaventati agli tutti maschili. Quando i miei genitori, la mia sorella e i miei fratelli non mi amavano.

Mi insegnavi le precedenze del vita. A mi piace molto come mi insegni che cosa e' male e che cosa e' buona. Quello sgombrava troppi confusione. A me, apprezzo instruzione saggia molto molto.

Tu ricordi una volta quando lavoravo come cronista principiante, come pochi il mio redattore e capo mi dicevano fino a quasi finvo nei guai con il capo della polizia non necessariamente?

Sono semplicemente stupita, quando neanche madre mia non mi dice come mi proteggo. Mi insegnavi come leggere, pensare no invece meditare, analizzare, e essere obiettiva. Adesso io sono una poverina cui riuscire capire tante come il signore redattore e capo cui non mi dicevano le cose importante del mio lavoro.

Ancora sono semplicemente stupita, come tu sei disposto amarmi, quando conoscevo solo maltrattameti fino a non sapevo come amare.

Veramente ci sono tante cose che avevi fatto per me. Non riesco scrivere tutti nel una lettere. Almeno oggi, vorrei scriverti che tu sei la persona cui amo piu'.

I Lost Faith in Bra Size Calculator

2008-09-17T10:24:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog,

For RM600, Addidas can produce a pair of sneakers custom-made just for you. They use a special machine to scan your feet for the exact measurements. Granted, not everyone can afford this kind of price. At least, money can buy a solution for someone whose left foot is bigger than the right one. I don't believe in categorizing my feet as size 7, 8 or whatever numbers. This is just a system for the convenience of mass production. This kind of system makes life easier for sellers of footwear ; for feet that don't fit into this kind of arbitrary system, they are doomed to a life time of discomfort.

A woman, has an additional issue with the measurement of her bra. I am not talking about female species endowed with bra busting cleavage like my honourable mother. There are already many people who are happy to help them get the right bras. I read about one plus size woman who become very rich by selling plus size bras online. I envy ladies who can fit into big bras for this.

Mom kind of neglected me as I was growing up. I didn't get to eat enough so I ended up with what they call "a runway". That is not so bad as discreetly padded half cup and quarter cup bras can do a wonderful job in making my figure more womanly in a natural way. Besides I fear the long term effect of gravity and breast cancer more than I fear looking "flat".

Unfortunately, wearing bra is very distressing. No matter how careful the sales lady measure my bust line and my diaphragm line and the fact that anyone who is not blind can see what my cup size is...every single bra I purchase : wired bras, bras without wires, full cup, quarter cup, half cup, lacy, not lacy, with straps, strapless etc. - makes me so darn uncomfortable after one hour. I especially dread triumph bras. Yes, triumph can magically dress me up to kill. After five minutes though, I am suffocating and ready to take it off. I suspect I have odd measurements that don't fit into any commercialized sizes.

Sometimes, I wish that I were living in a community where I can go out bra less. But the fact is as long as my conscience is pinching me to show consideration for all the grandpas, grandmas, uncles, aunties and kiddies by wearing bra, I have to suffer in silence whenever I go out.

If only Addidas can make bras the way they make their custom-made sneakers, sigh!

Colpa di Salabianca

2008-08-31T18:44:00.003+08:00

Blog Caro Mio,

Oggi e' la prima volta, vado a Warisan Square per motivo conoscere piu di quello negozio si chiama "Salabianca". Da fuori, il muro di negozio è tinteggiato NERO. Quindi, ero curiosa sapere se è bianca dentro. Il risultato della mia investigazione ~~essendo un ficcanaso~~ è - veramente è bianca dentro pero non vende cose italiano, vende una marca dei vestiti si chiama "China Champ". Non vorrei sapere piu di un negozio con un nome Italiano che vende cose di nome Cinese.

Quando sto in piedi davanti di Salabianca improvvisamente ho fame. Sceglio un ristorante si chiama "Sin Wang Char Chan Teng", in Cinese significa "Ristorante prospero per bevere te e mangiare". Vorrei assaggiare un zuppa di tagliatelle risi Cinese. Arriva lo zuppa nel una scodella grande: le tagliatelle risi non sono al dente, invece assaggiano come amido morto, i pezzi del pollo sono coperti di amido. Prendo qualche bocconi e esco in fretta.

Ancoro voglio zuppa!

Il prossimo ristorante è "Secret Recipe". Spero che cosa ricetta segreta ha puo' dammi una bella ciotola di minestra. Da prima, ordino solo un piccola ciotola di zuppa di funghi...hmmm sembra bene. Poi ordino un piu grande cicotola di zuppa Thailandese - Tom Yam. Arriva lo zuppa, quasi svengo io. Mettono funghi e cavolfiore ! Mamma...questa non è zuppa Thailandese piu in vece ha diventato zuppa europea in vece zuppa europea piccante, quindi stranaaaa. Le tagliatelle nel zuppa assaggiano come le tagliatelle da "Sin Wang Char Chan Teng". Provo prendere piu' bocconi di questa zuppa pero non riesco. E' troppo schifosa.

Mio blog caro,

Pago quaranta ringgit per tutte e due posti e lascio ancora affamata. Anche pago cinquanta cento usare il bagno li. Cinquanta cento posso fare pipi due volte ad altri posti. Pero sta bagno cinquanta cento bello non riesco tirare la catena perche non hanno acqua. Eh si, pago un occhio della testa per motivo sono cosi curiosa della Salabianca.

The Shamed Tip of Borneo

2008-08-31T09:10:00.008+08:00

Dear Blog,

14 June 2008 is special because my wish to see the tip of Borneo is fulfilled miraculously. You see, the stretch of unsealed road going there is accessible only to four wheel vehicles. Alas! A poverina can never afford a four wheel drive. But on that day, manna dropped from heaven in the form of four friends who graciously invited me to accompany them in a four wheel pick up.

Our butts hurt from the rough bumpy ride on that long stretch of road purposely left unsealed to deter visitors. The magnificent scenery compensated for the uncomfortable trip. Soon, we were absorbed in snapping photos and collecting seashells. There was this chatty tall Malay guy who sold me the shell of a sea urchin and a coral which to me, resembled a lobster. He told me that he dived to acquire these merchandises and how much he relished the sea urchins before cleaning the spikes and selling them to me. As he was warning me about a rest house yonder being haunted, his wife came, sauntering with branches of fresh papaya florets which was to be their dinner. With that, I bid them goodbye, anxious to climb the cliff that oversees Pulau Banggi.

The steep stairway going down to the wide open Sulu Sea was overwhelming for me. Although I was immediately attracted to the wild rocky cliffs and waves, my vertigo prevented me from venturing further. So while all my friends had a time of their lives at the end of Sabah's dog ear, I had to be contented with admiring the breathtaking sunset on a bench at the verge of the cliff. There I spotted a chic teenage girl.

She was busy vandalizing a wooden post with her younger brother. She turned back to meet my eyes casually and returned to carving the post with a pocket knife presumably leaving personal signatures. Her mother was nearby, watching her and oblivious to my disapproving stares.

"Forgive me wooden post, a poverina is not able to save you from these veracious vultures," I whispered apologetically.

So I went around to admire the facilities: The pavilion had Rungus patterns, so did the cute round stone dustbins labeled loudly "Tong Sampah". Then I saw three small monuments erected in a row. Ooops, no...it turned out they were actually reminders shouting " Do Not Litter" in English, Malay and Chinese, framed neatly within primitive Rungus patterns again. Judging from trash lying around OUTSIDE the dustbins, I guess it would have been worse without these "Do Not Litter" monuments.

There were some simple houses on stilts built at the most vantage point of the cliff. A poverina is most inclined to support this kind of not-too-fancy lodging affordable to common people. However, the chairs looked obvious that they had not been wiped since day one. I studied them for a while as I fought with mosquitoes, before opting for a quick exit.

I feel sorry for the insults heaped upon the Rungus people right in the midst of their significant landmark.

Festa di Vitamina C (2)

2008-08-25T10:18:00.017+08:00

Ci sono quattro di noi seduti in una fila : i miei due fratelli, una fidanzata e me. La infermiera pungeva sul retro del mano della mia futura cognata pero in qualche modo la vena eludeva. Dopo due attentati falliti, cambiava alla mano destra e affermata in inserendo l'ago. Io mi irrigidivo, guardando la mia futura cognata. Mio blog caro, ho paura d'ago.

Grazie a dio, l'ago solo pungeva mia mano destra una volta sotto i pugni. Le mie palme sudati faceva ovvio che ero morta di paura. Sangue fluiva fuori tramite il tubetto incontrare i fleboclisi iniziale. Gradualmente il liquido trasparente occupava tutto il tubetto. Il mio braccio cominciava sentire il fresco di vitamina C colando dentro.

Allora, tutti di noi seduti con i nostri fleboclisi sospesi sul davanzale di finestra, guardando TV e chiacchierando per 30 minuti. Facevo piccoli movimenti constanti verso finale. Avevo bisogno di fare pipiiiii. La infermiera sapeva la mia urgenza, comunque deve spendere altri tre lunghi minuti, dicendo a me tenere il mio braccio alzato prima di me rilasciando. " Altrimenti, sanguenerai," diceva. Mio fratello, semplicemente sfilava il fleboclisi e prenderlo con lui a bagno. Che bello se riesco fare pipiiii alzata!!!!

Festa di Vitamina C (1)

2008-08-24T23:57:00.014+08:00

La Signora Nancy e' sui cinquanta. Lei e' una madre divorziata di cinque figli e una nonna nuova dei gemelli. Ancora indossa minigonna. Non sembra giovana pero' sta bellisimma con il suo aspetto raggiante e flessibile. Il suo segreto? No...non e' chirurgia plastica. Fa' endoveneso di vitamina C regolare.

Mia madre e' una cara compagna di Nancy, cui passione e' sembrare bella fino a morte. Tramite Nancy, mia madre diventa dedita a vitamina C. Poi, madre fa i miei fratelli dediti a vitamina C e fra poco tutta la famiglia vengono insieme ogni settimana per cena e dopo, vitamina C.

Tutti ha i soldi pagare il servizio di una infermiera laureato somministrare flebloclisi comodamente alla nostra casa comodamente. Tranne me, la poverina brutta. Poi mio fratello offriva pagare pe me. Ecco, una poverina prendeva la sua prima trattamento di bellezza di vitamina C.

Ferire Al Mio Cuore

2008-06-12T10:17:00.006+08:00

Sto nanno era vendendo biglietto della lotteria attraverso i tavoli. I suoi piedi sono deboli e uno e' bendato. Quando era al mio tavolo, lo dicevo non volevo biglietto della lotteria, pero vorrei darlo due ringgit. Prendeva un tavolo davanti a me, e usava i miei soldi a comprare una lattina di coca-cola. Dopo pochi sorsi, si obbligava stare in piedi su gambe tremolante a vendere i suoi biglietti delle lotterie di nuovo.

Parlevo piano ad proprietaria di negozio a darlo un ciotala di fettuccine - come che ho mangiato - e pagavo per lui. Dopo, lasciavo in presto. Ferisce al mio cuore a vedere piu di lui anche se sto scrivendo di questa dopo due settimane.

Uccello Arrapato

2008-06-12T09:46:00.006+08:00

Gli cacciatori di teste dalla tribu' Iban abbigliano come quello uccello con un corno grande. Credono e' un spirito difensore.

Pero, quando abituarsi a umani. Una donna si puo accarezzare il uccello come si accarezza un cane. Che sto dicendo...? Una donna accarezza uccello arrapato. Per motivo in Inglese puoi chiamarlo "horny bird".

Se pensassi di male, vergogna a te!

Tra Un Centissimo e Benzina

2008-06-08T00:01:00.013+08:00

Mio Blog Caro,

Sai, ho una abitudine di mettendo monete nel una contenitore di plastico. Una poverina non riesce risparmiare tanti soldi quindi pensavo almeno tenere pochi. Gradualmente, il centenitore e' reempita con tanti monete di un cento, pero. Un giorno, il nostro governo annunciava che la moneta di un cento e' non piu' valevole. Io sono finta con rame inutile.

Sta settimana, il governo annuncia quaranta per cento impennata nei prezzi da benzina per mezzanotte. Tutto paese attraversati ai distributori delle benzene, non posso seguireli perche la mia macchina piccola era ad laboratorio.

Prima, fanno il mio un cento inutile.

Arrivederci mio centissimo, caro. ( Piange )

Adesso mi fanno nutrire la mia macchina birra.

Da noi questa bottliglia di birra e' caro come benzina. Macchina fortunata.

Il Mio Trattoria Malese Preferito

2007-06-13T12:40:00.001+08:00

Ho perso fiducia nel qualita' dei cibi cinesi. Preferisco solo roti canai se devo mangiare fuori da casa. Roti canai e' un tipo di "pancake" indiano. Di solito, mi piace mangiarlo con salsa di piselli secchi e salsa al curry. Il trattoria
Malese "Super Delight " di Via Segama secondo me serve il miglior salsa di piselli secchi e salsa al curry in citta' Kota Kinabalu. E' l'unico trattoria che mette erba limone nelle salse, e le salse sono riccamente dense a differenza di salse acquosi ottieni da trattorie che rifiutano servire risi caldi.

La settimana scorsa ero a Super Delight, mangiavo lentamente due piatti di roti canai e bevevo te indiano si chiamato teh tarik vuol dire hanno strattonato. Mi divertente osservando i Malesi. Ad un tavolo, donne indossando coperture sulle capi, erano occupate si danno da mangiare anche ai loro bambini risi di polli. Uomini Malesi davanti e di fianco a me, erano occupati fumando.

Poi veneva una signorina indossando vestito Malese baju kurung. Vendeva in giro i CD che insegnare i bambini musulmani preghiere di circoncisione. A lei sorridevo in modo sfrontato e fra trenta secondi si rendeva conta che mica sono una musulmana perche indossavo una camicetta senza maniche.

Gustavo ogni goccie delle mie salse...il roti canai non sono cosi buoni, pero sono contenta pagare solo due ringgit.

Riso Pieno D'olio, Freddo, Speziato, Caro A Via Lintas

2007-06-07T16:05:00.001+08:00

Trattorie musulmani a Via Lintas rifiutano servire riso caldo. Compresa il meraviglioso nasi beriyani. Perche cosi? Sono molto poveri comprare gas? Ci sono due trattorie: Salim e Sri Sempelang. Tutti e due hanno tre divisioni quindi non ci credo sono poveri. C'era una volta ,nasi beriyani desideravo troppo che chiedevo una cameriera se fosse caldo se no...non vorrei averlo. Rispondeva era caldo quindi ordinavo due piatti per me e madre. Pero arriva i risi ancora freddi come sempre. Facevo un reclamo grande averle riscaldati. Da prima, i risi sono serviti su piatti grandi belli con papadam. Per riscaldali, la cameriere trasferiva i risi su due piatti piu' piccole. Allora i nostri nasi beriyani finivano come riso fritto in modo Cinesi.

La Strada Pericolosa del Kota Kinabalu

2007-06-06T19:09:00.001+08:00

Madre mia e' una automobilista competente. Pero a lei, attraversando svincoli e anche ad altra corsia ha diventato sempre piu' difficile. Non per movito che ne ha sessanta anni, perche nessuno vorrebbe permetterla a fare cosi. Se vedono il segnale cambiare corsia oppure che madre vorrebbe attraversare un svincolo, guidano piu' veloce andare avanti. La verita qua e' autoficcine dell'automobili fanno troppi soldi da tante dell'incidenti stradali, anche una amica mia che fa liquidatore assicurazione $$$. Ne faccio una pagina di lezione Malese hi hih. Dico solo della vita realistica da noi.

Sono Tornata

2007-06-06T18:53:00.000+08:00

Caspita! Gia' nove mesi non ho il tempo a scrivere il mio blog carino.

Era un grande casino quando ero occupata imparare anche come si fa un sito nuovo. Bhe, ormai sono piu' sicuro.

Beirut Connection

2006-08-13T05:26:00.000+08:00

I am thinking of Beirut. How long and how much of black outs?

Here in Kota Kinabalu we know electricity will somehow be restored, without menacing Israelite bombs.

In Beirut where Miz lives, everything is uncertain. What will happen to my Lebanese net friend?

Most of my lady contacts prefer privacy, so I use only her nickname.

Since the first bombings on the airport of Beirut,Miz has been on my mind. A week after, she came online and declared WAR ON LEBANON. We spoke briefly and after a few more times, I haven't see her then as I am typing this blog.

Miz is learning Italian as I am, and she is doing better than me. Sometimes we compare notes, she uses French dictionary for translation while I use English. We also discuss the difference between Italian mentality and ours.

I find her rather unusual: she is young, good-looking, well-educated, speaks five languages yet she takes the initiative to befriend me, who is her entire opposite. At her age, she should be more interested in talking to nice young men.

I pray Prince Charming shows up soon to get her out of bomb zone.

I gather from news reports that Israel has destroyed all routes out of Beirut, hopefully she's not stuck there.

I am not interested in political craps pertaining to the war in Lebanon, neither the ideology of Hezbollah nor Israel, because the result is able bodied men killing babies,children and women.

What is my gain from the net here? Miz. I don't want to lose her!

My Window today

2006-08-12T01:02:00.000+08:00

Thick layers of haze loom over bluish mountain ranges, completely concealing my beloved Mount Kinabalu today.

A tempestuous monsoon rain splashes for a while. I have to run to shut the window panes ... then water starts dripping down from the roof above the staircase prompting me to run for the mop.

At least water is not dripping onto my mattress this time. The land lady has finally hired a handy man to 'patch up' the roof last week, so I don't have run to save the mattress on wet days anymore.

Two nights ago we were blacked out during a storm. There was no electricity for about five hours, the land lady's household and my parents had to borrow candles from me. I used up all three packets of candles that I had always kept aside.

Today it's much better, no black outs. Beneath the veil of the night, there is a kind of faint red flow at the background. Then comes the rain again upon Kota Kinabalu city.

How I long to remove that grille at my window!!!!

His Window

2006-08-11T10:10:00.001+08:00

Andrea always says that I am a net friend on the window desktop of his computer. He is one of the few that I trust to exchange webcams so I see his window and he sees mine.

He pulls the webcam towards his window after I tell him that it is not possible for me to visit Italy - he wants to show me a bit of his country.

At first I see unimpressive flat land dotted with shrubs and the Italian sky ( yawn ). After a few months a grader comes to construct a new road in front of his house. By now the road is completed.

I don't mind using the webcam when chatting with the Italians because, it is very difficult for me to perceive the emotions of a language that I know only technically. So it helps a lot if I can see the facial expressions. Minimizing anonymity and more eye contact is really, more interesting that mere text messages.

I would also like to put your mind on the right track that I have never done anything evil with my webcam. I make that very clear to Andrea from the beginning.

Anyway, I am comfortable with Andrea because I see his very cute younger son with him sometimes and once his wife comes in to give him a kiss. Also he always speaks warmly about his wife and family.

His Italian grammar stinks but he always tries his best to help me when I have problems understanding nouns. He would run to the other room to find a thumb tack to show it to me, when I cannot understand the explanation of it in Italian.

Once in a while, he jokes about having sesso selvaggio ( wild sex ) with me. Right after that, he puts on a serious face and becomes fully concentrated on his work. ( He designs on his computer )

He keeps lots of salacious photos of women in his computer. When I frown on them and remind him of his wife being around, he says that she is the exceptionally not jealous type. ( Really...? hmmmm )

He also captures images of his collection of female net friends via their webcams. It seems his favourite is that of a bosomy Indonesian girl who is photographed in bright purple bra. The snag is, after that she wears the typical head covering of Moslem women and he laments much about it.

This is how he rates me - at that time he is drawing contours. Higher hills have more contours and lower hills, less. He says it is easy to plot contours on my body - implying my bosom, as only a few lines will do the job. Then he takes out a magnifying glass, pretending to look very hard at me, and says that he almost cannot see the contours. ( Sob*) He is perfectly right, though.

Still, I am surprised that he somehow makes copies of my webcam images and shows it to me. After such remarks, I don't expect him to include me into his collection plus the fact that he does it without my prior consent.

I haven't smiled for two years, yet I am totally relaxed and smiling in his photos.

The last thing I expect from a guy who enjoys looking at other women is to bring out a vestige of self esteem in me.

From my Window

2006-08-04T10:26:00.000+08:00

I appreciate having a window in my study room.

I have spent two years living in a dark room adjacent to a kitchen. There is a window but you see only the kitchen. I have to switch on the fluorescent even during day time. There is a tiny ventilator at a corner which doesn't help much with the ventilation. It's stuffy and hot even when it rains dogs and cats along with howling wind.

As early as seven in the morning, the land lady turns on the radio full blast until late afternoon. I have no way to run since I have to do most of my paper work at home in the mornings.

It's no use telling her to turn it down. Her household never leaves the sink and toilet clean for the next user- namely me. You can bring up the matter to them but the radio continues to be turned on full blast and the sink and toilet, remain unclean for the next user.

I am still in the same house but I have moved upstairs. From the window, I see rows of red roof tiles, blue roof tiles, mango trees, palms and then rows of verdant hills. Beyond the hills, lies the gem - Mount Kinabalu.

Finally, there is something to look forward to when a fresh day begins. And I also see Andrea's window...

Messages for the Disposable

2006-07-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

I would like to confess a little sin.

It is impossible for me to follow every thing in the chat room. So usually I leave my Yahoo Messenger on while I attend to the household chores and the pepetually mountain high paper work. When I have a break in between, I read the collected messages.

I like to experiment logging in with different nicknames to compare the different responses. So these are the overall results:

Logging in with a masculine nick name such as Andrea - minimum or no private messages. Usually from gays and spammers. Pretty useful when I am not in a mood to participate in the chat.

Logging in with a feminine nick name such as suzzzy - overwhelming responses but soon I become bored with these expressions:

" ciao bella" ( beautiful ),"bellissima" ( very beautiful ),"sei stupenda" ( you are awesome )

"Posso vederti?" ( Can I see you?)

"Ciaoo...ti va di fare qualcosa in cam o al cellulare con me..??" ( Hi...you want to do something in the webcam or over the cellphone with me?)

"ciao, se non disturbo, mi concedi il piacere di conversare con te?" ( Hi ...If I do not disturb, do you grant me the pleasure to converse with you?)

"e quando ti vedo tutta bagnata?" ( and when do I see you all wet?)

When I log in with " Da Gettare" ( Disposable), there are always suprises :

"mi chiedo se ne esiste una coraggiosa.... " ( I ask myself if a courageous one exists )

"ti si recicla?" ( Are you recycled?)

"ciao ti raccolgo io" ( Hi I pick you up )

"Se chattiamo ti SPOSO. Lo giuro!" ( If we chat I marry you. I swear it!)

Here are my personal favourites in random order:

"tok tok!!! è permesso? giuro che non sono un testimone di geova!!!!" ( Tok tok!!! Is it allowed? I swear that I am not one of Jehovah's Witnesses )

"ok... ma togliti quella buccia di patata dalla faccia e quella foglia di insalat dalla testa prima di baciarmi." ( ok...but you take off this potata skin from the face and this salad leaf from the head before kissing me.)

"Voglio una donna asiatica!!! carina , dolce , capelli neri e lunghi, magrolina , pelle olivastra e morbida!!!! me lo sono messo in testa!!! Ho deciso che questo sarà il mio gusto di donna!!!" ( I want an asian woman !!! pretty, sweet, long and dark hair, very skinny, olive skin and delicate !!! These are put into my head !!! I have decided that will be my taste for a woman )

Can you see now why Da Gettare is my favourite nick name?

End of confession. Amen.

Category 3

2006-07-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

They are actually, the unwitting helpers.

I am not talking about outright sex maniacs . I get them instantly tarred, feathered and banished to cyber Gulag for eternity. ( By pressing buttons on the Yahoo messenger called " Ignore" and " report as Spam" ) - Easily identified and get rid off...

I am talking about guys who are good at disguising their online erotic pursuits, waiting for you to lower your guard. Since I do not share their interest, I would cease from further communication once their ulterior motives are revealed.

However, there are a few instances that work out to my benefit in the end.

During my early days hanging out in the chat room In Italiano, I met a pleasant Italian guy who spoke good English ( without the Italian accent ). He offered to coach me some reading in Italian, using the voice chat.

I was eager to get help then so I accepted his offer. He typed this sentence on the dialogue box and read it for me:

" Mi piacerebbe abbracciarti".

Ah! An easy assignment with only three words. I stuck faithfully to his pronunciation and read it. He praised me for doing well and asked me to repeat my reading - which I naively complied with.

This time his voice became rather excited and he requested me to read the sentence yet another time, praising my lovely voice. I thought that was strange to read a sentence again and again. Also it was strange to praise my voice instead of my pronunciation. By then there was a change in the tone of his voice that made me uncomfortable, so I bade him a polite goodbye and ended our dialogue.

Later, I found out that I have actually said :" I would like to hug you ".

I scolded myself many times for being gullible but this experience made the learning of Il Condizionale ( the conditional tense ) almost effortless. I learnt it within a day, motivated by a desire to tell him in Italian: I would love to tar and feather you.

P.s.Piacerebbe is a conditional form of piacere ( like ).

_____________________________________________________

I have been meditating on the other cases. From among them, I interact with the minds of most gifted teachers and analysts.

For example, Max speaks only Italian. He is always quick in showing me the different ways of using one word. He is especially good in teaching me compound sentences. I am amazed as I reflect on how much he has taught me.

Yet, as I get to understand from his conversation with others that he is a classic unfaithful husband, I feel sad for him as much as I feel for fellow humans who fail to understand that life is too short to indulge in one's selfish desires at the expense of others.

So, I decide to stop here for this topic.

Category 2

2006-07-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

Now that the World Cup fever is over, I can again concentrate on writing about people who have helped me with my Italian.

As my vocabulary expands a little, I found myself chatting with people whose only common language with me is Italian. They made me think more in Italian and my little Oxford dictionary, indispensable.

Most of them are kind enough to explain unfamiliar words to me in simple sentences. I savour one session with Gelatino in which he lectured me on calling a person " chicken" in Italian. Here are the excerpts:

Gelatino: ahaahaha si da noi una persona che si dice pollo....vuole dire che è una persona stupida.

( For us, a person that one calls chicken...it means a person that is stupid )

Wan : Quello non so.

( I don't know that )

Gelatino: non importa io ti spiego 100 volte fino a quando tu capisci ok??

( Never mind, I explain to you 100 times until you understand, ok? )

...sai cosa è un pollo? ... un animale come gallina.

( Do you know what is a chicken? ...an animal like a hen )

...il maschio è gallo quello che fa amore con la gallina.

( the rooster is the male that makes love with the hen )

...pollo e' maschio.

( Chicken is male )

...ora hai capito gli animali?...adesso ti faccio gli abbinamenti tra animale e persona.

( Have you understood the animals now?...now I make for you the parallelism between the animals and a person )

...gallina= una donna che è stupida.

( Hen = a woman who is stupid )

...pollo= un uomo che è stupido.

( Chicken = a man who is stupid )

...gallo= un uomo che fa lo scemo con tutte le donne.

( Rooster = a man who fools around with all the women )

Wan : Scusa, intendi gallo anche sono uomini libidinosi?

( Excuse, do you intend to say that prurient men are roosters?)

Gelatino: Porco= uomo libidinoso. Maiale= uomo libidinoso.

( Actually porco and maiale are synonyms = prurient men )

Porco o maiale sono gli stessi animali ok?

( He explains that porco or maiale, they are the same animals )

Il gallo è quello che cerca di avere tante donne.

( The rooster is the one that seeks to have all the women )

( He mentioned a name ) è un gallo ma pure un pollo.

( He gave me an example of a so-and -so who is a rooster but also a chicken )

Gallo perche dice di avere tante donne. Pollo perchè lo trovo un po bambino.

( He is a rooster because he speaks of having all the women. Chicken, because I find him to be a bit childish )

Spero che tu hai capito.

( I hope that you have understood )

-----End of excerpt------

How could I say no to the final statement? How could I not be motivated to find out more about a discourse like this?

Interruption

2006-07-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

Been busy with my little Forza Italia campaign. Gelatino, the guy infamous for grabbing the mic in the chat room to play irritating music, promised to create less nuisance if Italia wins. A contact in Dubai sent me photos of his Lamborghini sprayed in the colours of the Italian flag. ( I couldn't imagine his situation the next day if Zidane hadn't lost his cool...

France

could have won ). It was the perfect occasion to pick up lots of new words concerning soccer. Of course I am elated with

Italy

's victory. P.s. I believe

Malaysia

will also "boleh" when our guys reach an average height of 1.8m. But for now, Viva Italia!

Helpers

2006-07-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

Here I am referring to the chat contacts who have rendered me assistance. I would divide them into three categories:

I started by chatting with people in the first category - who are willing to interpret Italian into English for me. Most of them speak at least five languages. There is a very friendly Argentinian woman, always ready to help me out, she speaks seven.

I register my first Italian nickname- with the help of Sandro, my first maestro. He is in his fifties, calls himself a communist; and his hobby is teaching others perfect Italian ( What a hobby, I must say...) I choose " disposable". The web translator translates it into " a gettare" ( to throw ) whereas dictionaries translate it as " usa e getta" ( use and throw ) Personally, I feel the translations are too literal. Sandro explains that " Da Gettare" applies to a person, bingo! He does this grudgingly though, as he disagrees with my choice. But, I like the way the Italians tease my nickname. They would ask me where do I dispose of myself so that they can come and pick me up or, can they recycle me :))) Prior to Berlusconi's downfall, the Italians in the chatroom said instead of me, they should be calling him " Da Gettare"...needless to say, this word is indelibly learnt.

Helpful Tools

2006-07-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

Initially I relied heavily on translators. If you had used translators before, you would know how limited the actual meaning they can convey. At least they helped me to struggle with simple phrases and sentences.

Then I found a website service which displays all forms of verb conjugations by entering the infinitive form. This enables me to find the right words to express myself instantly. I spent many hours absorbed in studying the verbs this way and soon weaned myself off translators. I must say this is a turning point and I would highly recommend this website to anyone who is serious about learning Italian. You can find it at the side bar of this blog under " Verb Conjugation".

As for dictionaries, I prefer wordreference.com because it always shows the infinitives for all verb entries. If I want more depth, I use Garzanti . I celebrated my first anniversary of learning Italian by purchasing an Oxford published dictionary Starter Italian. So far, that is the only tool that I paid for :). I love the superbly explained grammatical notes especially on the intricate differences of personal pronouns - another milestone.

Motive

2006-06-24T12:05:00.000+08:00

Why do I prefer to learn a language first? Why didn't I try to make money online instead? Well, making money will come later when I learn to be more web savvy. Being deprived of higher education, I can only try to work on limited resources and I feel that my linguistic ability ( although modest ) is my best asset. Somehow I am obsessed about proving this intuition right. Besides, for the sake of self esteem, it is better to start with something I am good at.

It is wonderful to be free to select the study materials that suit my interest. My nephew is eight years old and while I was reading one of his school books with him, we found a lesson devoted to a list of outstanding national athletes for the past five years, a detailed pictorial map guide to a complex built in honour of a patriot who killed a colonist...and may I also mention a long speech by a bank officer on the virtues of saving in banks? Boy oh boy!!!! I am so glad to enjoy learning at my own pace minus the propagandas.

I better mention that my choice has nothing to do with Italian guys who are still alive. Incidentally I do admire a few Italian painters, deceased 500 years ago. Nevertheless, I don't mind receiving tons of messages written with intense objective to impress, sometimes they come along with webcam invitations. These distractions have at least help me to get over the fact that Brad Pitt is no longer available. So, the guys is a fringe benefit but was and still not is, my motive.

Back to Childhood

2006-06-20T07:57:00.000+08:00

Almost everyday I study a portion of the course, then I log into in Italiano, hoping to practise my newly acquired knowledge. However, I am always overwhelmed staring at the rapid flow of the chat room, chipping in only a few simple phrases. I need to open three windows when I am in the chat room: translator, dictionary and an online software for verb conjugation. However, it wasn't difficult to persevere this way because chatting is appealing to the gregarious nature of human beings. Oh yesss, it's fun!

What is the value of doing this? Since mistakes are inevitable, I have to relearn humility. It is as if I were a child again, meekly accepting correction from my teachers. Especially when I have to be constantly reminded of my blunders with the masculine and feminine nouns.

I used to have scanty patience for children who seem to make the same mistakes forever. " But this is so EASY, how could you get it wrong again?" I would grumble this way. Then to my horror, I found myself repeating mistakes as I put into practice what I considered as " elementary Italian".

I began to reason to myself, " How could I make a fuss at those kids? After all they should be clumsy at their age, while a mature adult as I am, make also the same mistakes?"

Nowadays when a kid writes 'apple' instead of 'apples', I would just tell him, " Where did you hide the 's'? Please, return it to the poor apple." We laugh about it and I am more than willing to wait for him to gradually grow out of it.

The Beginning

2006-06-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

It was 18 months ago I embarked on a personal project to learn a foreign language. After checking out a few websites, I choose Italiano- simply because the syllabus has something in it that tickles me.

Yeap, Italian can be classified as exotic for me- who live on a remote island in Malaysia all my life, meeting only three Italians here. I used to enjoy the BBC classic " Mind Your Language" and vaguely remember that fuzzy hair Italian Giovanni Capello. What else? I know ciao, pizza, cappucino, sphagetti and lasagna. Yummy...Maybe food is another reason that attracts me to Italian.

I didn't purchase any books or tapes. Relying solely on common sense, I opted to begin by reading about the alphabet and pronunciation system on BBC Italian Steps. The spelling and pronunciation are regular ( except for the double consonants). The audio files on BBC are well designed and helpful. They also provide number codes to type the accented characters on an English keyboard.

From this website academic.brooklyn.cuny I am able to learn the basics on my own. However as the grammatical complexity gradually dawned on me, I sensed the need to interact with the Italians.

I recall an article that likens learning a language to learning to swim. It says ," You cannot learn to swim by reading a book. You have to get into the water and splash about in it." Where to find some Italian people? The most convenient way is of course- chat room!

So I logged into an Italian chat room in Yahoo called " In Italiano". Amidst a sea of unfamiliar Italian words, I noticed a woman typing in English, asking the Italians whether Italian is the same as Spanish.

Irked by the ignorance, the Italians told her that it was like asking if a woman were the same as a man. They proceeded to tell her about the anatomical differences, beginning with the genitals ( I prefer to omit those details ).In the end the poor lady left in an upset state. As for me ( simper*), " In Italiano" becomes my favourite " swimming pool" from day one.